Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Father threatening to take any new born!

41 replies

november90 · 25/02/2020 11:00

Ex husband and I have split. I tried to imitate counciling but he's refusing. We've just had a huge row and now he's saying that he's looking at taking the baby over night when he's born. We share a 3 year old together. I was going to breast feed the baby. I honestly cannot believe this. What eights does he have? What can I do? I am completely heartbroken!!!!

OP posts:

notapizzaeater · 25/02/2020 13:09

The starting point is 50/50 so be prepared for that, your DH could have wrote exactly the same post about loosing his child for half the week. They don't tend to take babies for overnights to start with but it will come.

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 25/02/2020 13:13

Completely understand why you are scared. Is staying in the same house an option?

R2519 · 25/02/2020 13:19

If you are breastfeeding he will not be able to take the new born over night. He does however have a legal and moral right to spend time with his children. Clearly there is anger involved in this breakdown and i can completely understand you not wanting to be apart from your children, but they are his children too and so long as he provides a safe environment for them and is not a threat in any way he should absolutely be involved in their lives including, when the time comes and you are no longer breast feeding, having both of them overnight. It would not be in your or your childrens best interests to deny them access to their father. He has as much right as you do to spend time with his children.

Wishforsnow · 25/02/2020 13:25

He could potentially not get an overnight with the baby until he's 2 if it's not in the best interests of the child. He is trying to bully and scare you.

BlingLoving · 25/02/2020 13:29

As everyone else is saying, the baby will be the court's priority, not him.

You've been separated 6 weeks. In that time, how much time has he spent with your older child? Has he requested overnights? Has he tried to be there and spend time with him? because from what I've seen IRL and on here, it's not unusual for men to threaten this kind of thing while simultaneously clearly demonstrating that they don't actually want it.

A friend's ex took her to court because she didn't think it would b e good for the DC to go on a 2 week holiday with them. The judge agreed with her because.... he hardly ever turned up for his agreed time with the children as it was and they'd had something like 2 overnights in 6 months. Judge told him that once he was spending the time he'd already agreed to with the DC, then they could perhaps rediscuss a holiday (you won't be shocked to hear said holiday has never materialised....).

RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 25/02/2020 13:34

Darling. Mine did the same. There is no way that this will happen. Please don’t worry unnecessarily because that is what he wants.

Iggy131313 · 25/02/2020 13:46

There’s no way that he will be able to take the baby for overnights. But i think you need to calm down and try to accustom yourself to the fact that now you are separated you have to share the children. I have done 50/50 split with my ex for the last 6 years with our son, from 5-11 years old. And I would be very insulted to be called a part time mum!

Original poster

november90 · 25/02/2020 14:52

Anything I say on here is just reflecting on my own feelings and situation and not anyone else's so please don't take offence because this is just how I feel and not how I feel about you!

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I feel assured now that he won't be taking the new born baby and he will be breast fed just as my first was and as we always planned this one would be. I could never express enough to settle our first so he was solely fed from breast and not a bottle until he was 1.5. I'm not letting this man bully me into anything! I'm going to get prepared and get some legal advice so I know my rights and where I stand.

OP posts:

HotDogGuy · 25/02/2020 15:00

As a pp has said it’s unclear whether he’s controlling in other aspects or whether you’re ‘just’ anxious that you’ll be apart from your children.
He won’t get overnights with your newborn but it’s likely he will with his eldest and if he’s a good father then he should. You say you want your child to have a home and not 2 but they will adapt.

mypoorfurbaby · 25/02/2020 15:51

This is going to be a bit blunt but I'm afraid the children do have a right to access to their father.
A newborn overnight won't happen but he should be allowed the 3yr old overnight unless there is a danger to the child.
They are his children too.

Original poster

november90 · 25/02/2020 15:54

He does have our eldest child over night.

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 26/02/2020 12:43

Does he have his own place ? Is there space for the children.

How far gone are you because at this point I wouldn’t Even discuss newborn till baby has arrived unless you are almost due. If you have a few months things may well of settled a bit more.

With the 3 year old. I think a stay at home dad no reason why it wouldn’t go to 50/50. Dad who does nothing with the kids would need to build up. That would be in the best interests of the children.

One piece of advice I was given was don’t accept anything that you don’t think is ok.

What would you think was ok for the 3 year old ?

Mummygettingthroughit201 · 20/03/2020 21:47

They will most definitely give him 50/50 shared care order with you for the 3 year old .... the newborn .. well you might get away with EBF for the first 6-12 weeks then be asked to possibly pump so that he can have overnight access, within them first few weeks he would get short frequent contact.

In my experience the courts are very much a law to themselves and it all depends on which magistrate you get and if there is CAFCASS involvement. But everyone else is right, you need to keep a diary, gather as much evidence as possible and for now only talk about the child that is here right now .. courts won't discuss a baby that isn't born yet.

He will automatically get PR if you are still married unfortunately .. sorry you're going through this .. it does get better in the long run though I promise

Annaminna · 23/03/2020 16:09

november90
You need to find some counselling. Its your anxiety talking not your head. You need to sort out your mental health first. Today you are not thinking clearly.

Annamaria14 · 14/04/2020 13:11

This is so, so weird.

Why on earth do you think that you have more rights to the children than he has? You were married when you had them TOGETHER. You have such a strange way of talking. Of course he is entitled to see his children, and them to see him.

You act like you own them, and he is a total stranger. He is their father! This is such a weird post. Your children are human beings; not toys that you own. Do you think you own them or something?

yatapina · 14/04/2020 13:21

I understand you are anxious and worried about this but unless there are other issues at play here your children's Dad has equal rights to them which may well mean 50/50 care.

It's not ideal but an absent parent is much worse.

He would usually be able to have overnight access to your eldest now and the baby when they're able to be away from around 2 I believe.

If he's a decent, responsible Father then it's a situation you'll have to get used to. Byes, your children are your life but they may well be his too.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.