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Ex intimidating me at contact centre

16 replies

mooselet123 · 23/02/2020 19:08

Just wondering if anyone can offer any advice...

My children have just attended their third supervised contact session with my abusive ex. In our court order it says that he has to arrive and be in the building 15 minutes before I get there with the children and leave 15 mins after I have collected them.
For the first two sessions, he followed this but had his dad waiting in the car park in the car with his window down when I came to collect them in order to intimidate me.

Today, he was sat in the car park 10 mins after he was supposed to have been in the building so that when I arrived I was confronted by the sight of him. He didn’t even make any attempt to exit his car park until he could see that I had parked. I spoke with the contact supervisor and she apologised and said that she would speak to her manager but the intimidating behaviour has actually escalated since my solicitor last spoke to his (about the fact that it was completely unnecessary for his dad to be there staring at me as this defeats the purpose of the 15 minutes window which is to make me feel safe), so I’m concerned that even if they speak with him, the behaviour won’t stop and will continue getting worse.

Does anyone know if I can do anything about it? I can’t refuse to take the children to contact as I will be told that I’m obstructing his relationship with his children but surely there has to be a way to stop him doing this as I feel it’s just another way of him continuing to abuse me (he’s done a number of other horrendous things since we split up) even though we’re no longer together.

OP posts:
Whynosnowyet · 23/02/2020 19:10

Imo you need to practice the art of giving him the middle finger.

carly2803 · 23/02/2020 21:41

do you have a solicitior?

you need to log every single incident, and speak to your solicitor.

FredaFrogspawn · 23/02/2020 21:43

Is there anyone else who would drop the dc off for you?

IWishItWasSummer · 23/02/2020 21:49

My ex did this and I went back to my solicitor and made it very clear if he wanted to see our daughter he behaved.

Unfortunately he never behaved and hasn’t seen his daughter in 15 years now. Some people on Mumsnet put up with this behaviour, I didn’t. It was his choice but I wasn’t going to subject my children or me to intimidation. I wouldn’t have anyone else dropping my child off either due to his unreasonable behaviour as a previous poster suggested.

crunchiebabe · 23/02/2020 21:57

He's in breach of the court order. Your solicitor needs to write to him to remind him of this and to inform him that contact will stop if the court order is not adhered to. Leave him absolutely no room for movement.

timeisnotaline · 23/02/2020 22:14

He’s in breach. Your solicitor needs to inform them that if he does it again contact will be withdrawn. You support your children having contact with their father under the terms of the court agreement and regret he doesn’t seem to wish to see his children enough to comply.

CodenameVillanelle · 23/02/2020 22:18

Are you in proceedings or have they concluded? Do you have any kind of non molestation order against him?

mooselet123 · 24/02/2020 06:47

We’re in the middle of proceedings and he has been granted supervised contact whilst Cafcass do a section 7 report. No non-molestation order as prior to the supervised contact starting he was leaving me alone but I am considering seeing if I can get one now. I’m going to call my solicitor today but can I really legitimately say that contact will cease if he breaches the order again?
I’ve been told so many times that I must not appear hostile as I’ll be accused of being obstructive to contact and it’ll look bad to Cafcass so I’m trying my best to promote a relationship between my ex and the children but it’s so very hard when he is able to behave horrendously and no one seems to bat an eyelid.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 24/02/2020 07:24

No, you can't stop contact but you can report every breach of the agreement to the contact centre to build your evidence, and if you have a non molestation order that will also provide evidence.

CodenameVillanelle · 24/02/2020 07:24

I mean if you have an order you can report when he breaches it

CupoTeap · 24/02/2020 07:28

Have you had your convo with cafcass yet?

happycamper11 · 24/02/2020 07:29

My ex did exactly the same. When u tried to stop it I was told both my the centre and solicitors that the 15 minutes was actually just a suggestion and not enforceable. It didn't change the court ordered contact arrangements of affect his long term contact in any way. It's shit but so are most things about the family court process. I feel for you OP. Best thing I did was change my mind set and stop feeling intimidated by him. It was hard at first but now the sight of him doesn't phase me at all. At that time I used to be close to having a panic attack, shaking/head racing etc so I do know how hard it is

maybelle4 · 24/02/2020 12:33

In the contact centre local to me, if my ex isn’t there 15 mins before contact starts then I receive a phone call saying I don’t need to attend.. request this with the contact centre?

Anotheruser02 · 24/02/2020 13:00

Could you get a dash cam or something to catch evidence of the intimidation?

Yellowcakestand · 27/02/2020 13:20

Id be getting evidence and reporting for the next court hearing

Toria70 · 27/02/2020 13:31

Next time, take a photo of him and drive straight back out.

He's the one breaking the order. Not you.

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