Ex calling me a bad mum

[mountainreallyhigh]

Hi this is my first post.

Background is I’ve been separated from my daughters father since I was pregnant. He wanted me to get an abortion I didn’t so he walked away the rest of my pregnancy. He visited a couple times when she was born but then stopped all contact and blocked me. He has always paid maintenance each month. He also has a daughter a year older.

My daughter has just turned 4. Last June he got in contact and wanted to be in her life. I was cautious but allowed it and met up a few times and then built up to him taking her on his own. Eventually the over nights started and he now has her once a month due to living over 70 miles away.

He hasn’t seen her since Christmas due to illness etc. He picked her up yesterday and started asking me why she can’t count or know all her letters. I explained she tries but gets some mixed up and she’s not interested in learning. I can’t make her. He then exploded saying this is not normal because his other daughter could at this age and basically am a shit mother. It’s my fault he can’t change how she is raised as I’m doing such a poor job.

These comments really struck a cord with me and I’ve been crying on and off since yesterday. I said if he’s that concerned that call social services!

My daughter comes from a loving home, gets most things she wants and is healthy. I know I shouldn’t care what he thinks but he was just so cruel and it’s one of the worse things to say to a mother.

He’s now blocked me and said he wasn’t going to communicate with me anymore. He’ll do what he has to do when she’s with him to make her learn. His parting comment was I’ll be telling you so when she starts school and they say she isn’t where she should be learning wise.

I don’t know how to digest these comments and move forward with him. Does anyone have any advise please.

Well he's a prick so ignore him.

I am curious what nursery or pre school said though? Did they say she was learning at the right pace with no concerns?

She's been attending nursery for two years and they've never expressed any concern. Just come from completely left field. How are you meant to co parent with a person when they think so low of you.

He is a fucking dick head. Block everything he says from your memory. If he was a decent df he would be praising his dd - and you - for everything she can do. As none of it is thanks to his fabulous input -
Now you know why he is an ex op.

Ignore him my DD didn't know her letters at 4 and is set to get an excellent set of GCSEs this summer. Just read to her, talk to her about world and show her how much you love her. That's what she needs right now.

Thank you for the replies. Your right I need to block everything he said out of my mind. I'm going to block him on everything and avoid him as much as I can until I'm calm enough to deal with him again.

He obviously knows fuck all about child development.

For peace of mind, ask the nursery if they have any concerns about DD's development.

The idea of social services getting involved because DD doesn't know her alphabet before starting school is a joke. I'm a school governor. My school struggles to get SS involvement when a child turns up in reception unable to hold a conversation, use a fork or know how a book works because they've been that neglected.

My school struggles to get SS involvement when a child turns up in reception unable to hold a conversation, use a fork or know how a book works because they've been that neglected.

Some years we'd have SS called out for a third of the class with that criteria OP ignore your ex, he's being ridiculous.

He’s now blocked me and said he wasn’t going to communicate with me anymore.

Good. He can whistle for contact then can’t he? He doesn’t get to block the person who is raising his child if he still expects contact. I’d be blocking him too and let him go to court do contact now.

We’ll obviously seeing once a month great idea how your Dd is doing.🙄

Are you concerned at all about her? Talk to the nursery if they have any concerns.? If you want to .

Loads of kids can't do all their numbers and letters that age, that is what school is for!!! Ignore him, he just wanted to lash out at you and picked a way he knew would be super hurtful. Complete Ahole

She is 4!
He is a nasty piece of work and clearly knows nothing about child development and early years education.
Your dd's school and her teachers will reassure you that he is wrong.
Ask the school to recommend some books for you so that you can feel confident in challenging or ignoring his stupid assertions.
I some countries children don't start any formal teaching until they are 7.

What breathtaking arrogance to walk in to your child’s life at this stage and start calling the shots.
Ignore him he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

What a twat. I’m serious. I’ve had 5 children, and none of them knew their letters at 4 etc. Nursery is there to support and encourage emotional and social development with a very gentle introduction to educational areas ie counting, writing etc. All children develop at different rates and it has no indication as to their intelligence. The worst thing you can do is start ramming letters and numbers into your child in a panic.
Ignore your ex. He has no clue. If he called social services on this, they’d laugh him out the door. Don’t respond to him.

Thank you so much for the replies. You don't know how much they mean when I start to question myself as a parent. Been a hard few days but I need to stop doubting myself. Thank you again.

What an idiot! So he sees her once a month (or less!) for less than a year and thinks he is the authority on her development? Kids develop at different rates. He is an idiot for comparing his two children anyway and if he continues with this attitude it could be very damaging to her self esteem further down the line.

If you are worried, speak to her nursery, but I would focus more on building positive relationships with people in her life rather than worrying about some idiot who has only met her a dozen or so times in her life and has contributed so little to her development.

And to block you because his 4yo doesnt know all her letters?! That's a very bizarre and a very immature way of dealing with things. What purpose does that serve apart from to upset you?

If he had genuine concerns, he would be raising it in a more sensitive way "I'm a bit worried that she isn't counting yet. Are you worried? Do you think we should raise it with nursery?" Etc. He has come out all guns blazing, which to me suggests that he is saying things to hurt and upset you and undermine your confidence, as his primary motivation.

Why would you want this man around your child? Does he bring anything positive to the table?

I find one sentence in your OP quite concerning: He’ll do what he has to do when she’s with him to make her learn.

That suggests he intends to force your DD to learn. I wouldn't want to send my child to spend time alone with a DF who said something like that.

Are you sure that contacta good idea? He sounds like he could be abusive.