35 weeks preg, considering single life

[greenismyfave]

So low and need to rant. Don't really know where else to go. Sorry it's a lil long
I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my second, doesn't share the same father as my dd but dp is as good as.

I'm pretty much at my wits end, I always pass it off as hormones but it just can't be. Been together almost 4 years and he's been supportive when it comes to my dd and now my expected ds, not saying he's awful in that department.

He lacks utter respect when it comes to me, my newly rented flat, doing his own thing when he feels like it.
Taking forever to pay bills (that I've already paid for so i'm scraping till he helps out)
He'll happily throw his washing in the machine and no one else's, come in late and eat the food in the house etc.

He'll be out all night with his friends, passing in and out until the fun is up (as late as 6am) disturbing my sleep. Then he'll be up, shower, do his own thing as usual, then be on his way again. It's become a predictable cycle. He's tremendously selfish in this respect and i feel as though i'm going to break down.

I've moved a little ways away from my mum and being heavily pregnant I feel I've got no choice but to be reliant on him when it comes to shopping for the house or getting my dd to and from nursery.

I hate this, there has been times I've been in pain from awful SPD and yet he's not there, baring in mind this is about 2am. I call him, I get no answer. It's scary, considering he doesn't even know why i'm calling. I could be in labour!

I've attempted to talk about this & my feelings many of times, but it gets us no where. He says 'I know I've been shit, i'm sorry' etc. But we both know his behaviour doesn't change after the talks, I've given up.

The way he carries himself has become so unattractive, which could partly be hormones but there is nothing attractive about this. Sorry to go tmi but I've only had sex less than a handful of times since being pregnant. Last time being once in September 2019. I'm completely lacking the feeling of love and support.

We barely spend time together, i'm practically always on my own. When my dd goes to her grandparents for the weekend I find myself missing her so much, it's only two days! Lol

Again he could be worse, he does help out where he can but I feel like there's something huge missing.
This is his first child and I understand it's a big change, that comes with a lot of emotions.. but I can't help but wonder how it'll be once the baby is here? Don't see it being any better, so going back to the title.. considering being single.

He needs an ultimatum. He's about to be a father and he's still acting like a young single lad. It's a shape up or ship out situation and he gets one chance only. You need to get him sorted now before you have another child to look after and you need to impress on him that he's had his chances now

@kitk greatly appreciate the advice!
I agree with you, he needs to be issued an ultimatum, a final warning. Only problem is I feel like I won't be taken seriously. That or he will go off with his tail between his legs playing victim. It's tiring & i'm scared sh*tless of how ill cope.

If it comes to it, you'll still be alone coping with two kids instead of 3. You've done the new baby thing before and I'm guessing DDs dad was unsupportive hence why you're not with him anymore, so you'll know how much stress a new baby can put on a relationship, and trust me that's true in the very strongest. If you go into this with the tiniest bit of resentment towards him, tiredness and hormones are going to spiral and skyrocket. He needs to step up now and if he doesn't you will cope! It'll be hard and shit and at times you'll be on your knees but it will be better than having 2 small kids and one adult kid. Here if you want to DM to talk further- I'm out tonight but will be around all day tomorrow. I hope a good kick up the butt and reminder of his new situation will be enough to sort him out

@kitk can't thank you enough for the support, honestly means a lot especially when feeling low and alone on top of that.

Everything you've said I've thought to myself but I've let it pass.. only for it to arise again I guess. Will definitely be in touch & will update you on how it goes also.
Thank you again, really really warms my heart.

Been through this but luckily without a first child so I kind of feel your lpain. There is a small chance that he will see his child and realise he needs to change. Likely chances are that he won't though and it's much harder to leave once you've had the baby.

I'm still will my boyfriend and still giving him chance after chance and I'm not sure why. He loves me and our DD but is so little help both financially and with the baby. We're not living together (I'm in a hostel as once I went on maternity leave I could not afford the rent on my own and he wasn't working ) and feel so much resentment towards him for allowing me to end up in this situation with a 4 month old baby.

I think he definitely needs an ultimatum - it would be so much easier to accept doing it on your own than trying to rely on someone who is half arsed and adding stress to an already stressful situation.

I hope he steps up for you but either way enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and those newborn days as much as you can- with or without him

@blinded101 thanks for your response/sharing!

Comforting to know someone shares my pain, although no pain should be felt at all for neither of us at such a sacred time. Sounds like we're sharing a lot of the same emotions towards our boyfriends.
I don't blame you for the resentment you feel that must be continuously building up as the days go by and nothing changes. It's shitty. And like you said, it must be so much harder to leave such a situation once there's a baby in the middle, hence why i'm feeling to leave right now. Resentment is building.

Having had a baby and raise her all on my own, I know it's not impossible. She's 4 now. And you're not missing out especially if there's little help. In the long run it feels much better, having someone that is meant to be your other half draining you is never worth keeping around.
For me, i'd love to experience the family dynamic, guess that's what makes it harder. But right now the stress is so not worth it. Like you said, I really want to just enjoy the rest of my pregnancy/newborn days now.

I hope your able to step away from a situation that serves you no purpose, but if it works out then that's even better!