Ex favouring one child

[Thisisourhappyplace]

How do I handle it?
He favours our DD (5) over DS (2). Always has done. Since DS was born he never bothered to bond with him and was always disappearing off with DD for "daddy daughter time" leaving me alone with the baby. We split 4 months ago and he has regular contact, although its sparse. Hes been angling to have DD by herself on and off since the beginning and has now decided to drop an overnight with DS because "he misses his mummy too much", but still wants to see DD for both nights. It's a cop out. It's because DS is harder to deal with, needs more attention and he just plain doesn't like him.
I feel like it's not fair for him to have more contact with DD than with DS but he says I'm being unreasonable, hes only 2 and it doesn't matter.
Full disclosure: ex was abusive, is no risk to the kids, but not sure if hes doing this as a way of controlling me by dicking me around or whether its just narcissistic behaviour favouring one child, or just plain and simple he's a tw*t

Bump?

My ex is the same. He prefers our eldest because the youngest is on the autism spectrum and he’s more work. I refuse to let him ever see one without the other. If you allow him to only see your daughter it will cause friction between the two children as they get older.

Hmm tough one, hard for me to advise as not in this situation (ex is absent) but part of me wouldn’t want to make him have my child if he doesn’t like him, as you say. I don’t think I would be comfortable forcing him to have a child he didn’t want to have there, but at the same time it’s unfair to only take one.

My dad didn't like my brother. My parents never split up so my brother was very aware from a young age that my dad didn't like him. I don't know why he didn't he just didn't. As a result my brother developed behavioural problems and went a bit off the rails.

My ex did this with our two now the youngest wont see his dad he (dad) now wants to see him 🤔 it's like dealing with an infant

Do what I didnt do and say you cant have one without the other

I have told him that it isn't fair and poor DS is heartbroken when he comes to pick DD up and doesn't take him too, but it's like I'm talking to a brick wall.
At the moment contact is arranged between us but SS advised me to stop contact and tell him to take me to court if I felt unhappy with how he handled things. I really don't want to go through family court as he would dredge up all sorts of stuff to try and make me out to be a bad parent, and I'm aware that they aren't always the best at dealing with custody issues when there has been domestic abuse.
He's faffed me about loads, swapping dates because it doesn't suit him and then cancelling and changing them back at the last second, agreeing to have them for special dates and then changing his mind.
And now this with having DD more than DS because "she needs me more"
I think I will go along the lines of it's both of them or none at all as it's unfair. I dont want issues between the kids and I dont want DS to feel like theres something wrong with him either.

I’d deliberately misunderstand. ‘It’s lovely you want one-on-one time with the kids. Pick son up Tuesday, daughter up from school Wednesday and drop him back Thursday, her Friday. That way I get one-on-one with them both too’. Ensure it’s always son first, and if he’s unhappy (because his dad is a dick) you can go with ‘no seeing them separately didn’t work, remember, the kids were unhappy’