Ex wants to have more overnights

[Bleeelikeme]

Nc for this.
ExH has DS (11) every other weekend, til 6:30pm on Sunday, up to twice a week after school til 7pm, and half holidays.
I’ve recently moved house and as a result exH now lives as close to DS’s new school as me (previously I lived 50 mins away from exH).
He’s now asking that instead of me picking DS up after midweek contacts and weekends, he drops DS off at school the following morning. So there’s no increase in frequency of contact as such (as he would be seeing him those days anyway) just more overnights.
I’ve refused as I like how things work right now but he’s said he wants to give it a go and if I keep refusing he will try mediation and ultimately court unless I agree to try it out. What are the chances of court agreeing with him? I am also aware I would lose either a lot or all child maintenance with more overnights, yes I know this shouldn’t be my reason to deny DS more overnights with dad but I do rely on that money.
ExH says it’s normal for the non resident parent to do morning drop offs at school if they live close enough - is this true??

Let it happen, this is about your son not you.

In the nicest possible way, don’t be one of them difficult women that give other women a bad name.

I'm sorry but you're utterly disgraceful for keeping your ex from having extra nights because your maintenance money comes down...

I think this might happen more regularly than you might think.

DP's ex definitely does this (she admitted as much outright in mediation - the reason being that she doesn't want to work, ever). In fact, she tried completely denying any contact (for no reason at all) and trying to limit it to the absolute minimum (when it had been nearly 50-50) because she'd been playing with the CMS calculator to figure out how to get as much money as possible (while still getting every Friday night off to spend with her boyfriend). The outcome of mediation was a return to the nearly 50-50 situation so she clearly struggled to justify any of it.

I think she's an extreme case, in that she's that mercenary (and doesn't seem to care about traumatizing her children if it'll get her an extra £25 a month or something). But money is tight for lots of single parents and the loss of maintenance may well be something they worry about. If you already work FT, it could be very difficult to see his you'd replace the income from CM that might be needed to just balance the books. So it's not necessarily a vindictive thing.

It's not the exh it's his partner.
It's the second thread and now there's a new one in legal asking the same thing but with a different name.

I hate these because we know nothing about the ex and they are written to get the answer the op needs to support what they want.

I maybe wrong but I find it odd that the Op came back to reply when the new one started.

This is what my ex does and it works well. If he lives close enough to School I think it’s wrong to deny him. It’s good he wants to play a bigger role and do school runs. Why have your Son coming and going more than is necessary?

I do understand the money thing. It is hard and expensive being a single parent, but I don’t think you can really use that as a reason to say no.

It's great that you both love your son and want him so much. I do relate as I want to have our son around all the time. I think your ex has a case as much as you do.
Could you have a word with him about maintenance?
You can wait until he takes you to court or do it the civilised way and let him have the overnight.

I’ve found the thread in legal but can’t find the one referred to in step!
@everybodyshowlove2020 I’ve been working! I have read the legal thread and my situation is different where we essentially have 50/50 shared care as I half hols and eow but the midweeks and Sunday’s aren’t overnights. I think (not sure on my calculations) that if they became overnights that would mean 50/50 shared care or close to, so I think the reduction in maintenance if he went for that would either mean no maintenance at all or possibly the very minimum for shared care based on how many overnights he’d have which I think would be over 175!
I just wanted to know what the chances are if him being awarded it if I refuse because why change the status quo? And though I hate to be ‘that mum’ I can’t escape the fact Im use to receiving the maintenance and it goes toward bills. Yes of course I understand that if he had our child more then he would need to pay more while he has contact but I’m not sure how it would work out. When contact was initially increased years ago he did go for a reduction in maintenance so I have no doubt he would do it again

Exh is single too and no other kids just ds between us and he earns more than me so he’s always spoiling him. In a perfect world maintenance would stay the same but I highly doubt it will. I’m sure he doesn’t miss the maintenance but I will!

I'm sorry, have to say, I'd give my right arm for an ex who wants to be this involved with the DC. Arrangements do need adjusting over time, especially if you move, or when the children move up to different schools, and therefore it's no less practical for school run from his house compared with yours. The only thing that would stop me from agreeing to something like this would be if DC were dead set against it and seemed to have good reasons (i.e. beyond "I like your rules better l")

So if not a reverse, the. My apologies- and was more pointing out reversals usually portray the other party purely. My original comment stands- losing money will not be a reason to block this. That is not your sons concern. It will be less of an upheaval if he gets to stay with his dad overnight and be dropped off at school, than the rush home after 7, for bed and whatever else. If he is now near school- same for Sunday nights- there's no reason for him to not stay there and have you pick him up after school on Monday. I don't think you can seperate out the money from the logic here- understandably, but the increase in overnights do make sense, and there is no real reasons to block them. I'd be surprised if you were successful. Can you increase your hours at work? Get a part time weekend job whilst he is at his dads?

I know this is an old post but I just have to say I don’t know how all you lovely mums think it’s totally fine to grow up living between 2 households. There’s no stability and homely life living between two homes. If a child is used to spending more nights in their usual main home why do you think it’s fine to distrust their lives like that?! You all say the OP is just thinking of herself, well I’d say the complete opposite, the father is thinking of himself not the child’s best interests. It’s actually laughable this modern generation.