Ex says he will walk away from the kids and never see them again just because I asked for a proper arrangement

[inthedarkX]

So my ex has text me saying I will have to bring the kids up alone and the kids will hate me just because I asked him to give me a proper routine for the kids! He thinks he can just turn up in the morning for school run without prior discussion and this weekend gave me a few hours notice before wanting to come get the kids without prior discussion. So I told him, he either gives me proper arrangements or he stays away so he's text me nasty things and said he will never see the kids again! I stood my ground in wanting proper arrangements and he didn't like it!
He said the kids will now hate me and search for him when they are older and go live with him!
I didn't like him giving me less than 12 hours notice to see kids, turning up when he wanted and going through our 13 year old to arrange contact and because I put my foot down and stood my ground I'm told i will bring them up alone! Why is it so hard for him to listen and come to an agreement!! So worried and stressed right now!

Well, that’s why he’s an Ex.

He just wants you dancing to his tune, constantly prevented from building a separate, independent life.

Ignore his threats, see a solicitor. Contact is best arranged formally, through a court. (Where the judge will take the preferences of older children into account.)

So he thinks your DC will base their feelings about you how he feels right now?

Like not the love you give them? Or the lessons you teach them? Or the security you provide? Consistently?

He's right full of himself and a total self obsessed, fuckwit, isnt he OP?

He is just angry you are putting firm boundaries in place. And not letting him push you around.

Stay strong. Make it clear when the children are available to him. They need stability and routine.

This is completely on him not you. Don't take on his guilt.

Text back

That’s your choice to see kids or not, I’ll leave it with you to decide proper arrangements or not at all.
The kids will seek you out & want to live with you regardless, it’s what they do in the teenage stage.

Stand your ground! You are absolutely reasonable, and no, the kids won't hate you. (and actually the kids benefit too from the certainty and routine).

Tell him it's his choice if he sees the kids, but there needs to be proper arrangements in place.

God, exes who use threats about the children to get at the parent. As a pp says, that's why he's an ex. Tosser.

Its all about control and indignation on their part. My ex was exactly the same 'you don't get to tell me when I see my kids'. I tackled it by ignoring non arranged contact. Sometimes if they weren't doing anything I'd let them go but more often than not we had plans. This pissed him off too.
If they were younger it would be easier to get a proper schedule via the courts but at 13 your eldest may decide contact for himself.

Let him walk.
It's his choice to walk away hes just using it as an excuse to control you.

Most adults that are separated have a routine for seeing the children as it works better for everyone but mostly the DC.
Tell him you will not be blackmailed.

He's now texting my 13 year old arranging things and completely ignoring me when I've asked him things in regards to the kids and stuff. He will do something bad soon because I'm standing up to him I can see it

At 13 your D.C. is just about old enough to facilitate their own relationship with their NRP so leave them to it.

Your only problem is making sure you know your 13 year old tells you where and when they are going somewhere for their own safety