Tonight DS1 said "You & daddy haven't split up"

[Pinkchampagne]

He watched the first half of child of our time with me, and one of the children mentioned how his parents were splitting up.
DS1 turned to me & said "You & daddy haven't split up because you don't hate each other"

I explained that not all couples who split up hate each other, but he was adament that we hadn't split, and that we just wanted to live in different houses.

I was quite taken aback by this. I do worry about how the boys are coping with it all.
Do you think he has gone into some kind of denial?

[hoolagirl]

Maybe he just doesn't understand fully.
It sounds like in his mind that couples that split up must hate each other.
Has he been ok with you 'living in different houses'?

[Miaou]

Aw bless him!

No, I don't think that's denial, just that he has internalised a different meaning of "splitting up" to the one you mean. It sounds to me that he thinks that all splits have to be acrimonious.

If he went on to talk about when you would all be living together again ... well then I would be concerned. But he seems to accept that you are living separately. It's just semantics!

[mamama]

I think it may just be his way of coping with all the changes. I don't think its a problem for him to think of the two of you just living in separate houses. As long as you are gently truthful about the rest of it, if he asks, I think this is ok. I'm sure you have told him that you and his father won't get back together etc.

for you at having to deal with all this.

[Pinkchampagne]

He didn't mention anything about us getting back together - he seems to accept the two different homes - however he did say "Well you have two pillows in your bed"

I asked him how he felt about mummy & daddy living in different houses, and he said "fine"

I have been having a lot of behaviour problems with him since ex H & myself went our separate ways.

[hoolagirl]

Has it been long?
Sounds like he's reacting to a change in circumstances, but it shouldn't last too long.

[Pinkchampagne]

When I explained that splitting up doesn't have to mean you hate each other, he just said "You thought you wanted to split up, but you didn't"
This is the first time he has come out with any of this kind of thing.

[hoolagirl]

Kids quickly adapt, much better than us!
Its good that you and ex are on good terms, it will make everything a lot easier for your ds, im sure he will be fine it a short time.

[Pinkchampagne]

We moved at the beginning of May, so 4 months now. His dad has only been in his place for around 4 weeks though.

[hoolagirl]

Aw, don't know what to say, im sure if you keep to your current arrangement he will grow to accept it.

[Pinkchampagne]

I hope so, but I do really worry about my boys.
DS2 was crying today, saying he missed daddy.

[Pinkchampagne]

DS1 seemed to understand & accept the situation when we originally told him, but they have both been quite affected by it all.
It seemed strange that he came out with these comments tonight.

[Pinkchampagne]

DS1 was quite upset at bedtime last night, saying he missed daddy. I feel so awful for them.