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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Ex more interested in me than the kids.

15 replies

HerRoyalFattyness · 01/02/2020 19:22

Split with the father of my kids 2 weeks ago. His idea. He upped and left completely out of the blue.

He sees the children Tuesday and Thursday after school for a couple of hours and Saturdays for 4 hours.
Contact is at my house as he has moved back in with his mum and it is not a safe environment for the kids (we both absolutely agree on this. There's drugs, a lot of alcohol and violence on a regular basis)

Every time he comes round, he tries talking to me as if everything is fine, tries to be touchy feely, grabbing my hand etc, and telling me I can talk to him. Hmm

I went upstairs today so that he'd actually spend some time with the kids instead of expecting me to come up with ideas. He came upstairs and stood in my bedroom trying to talk to me, telling me I looked comfortable in bed Hmm
I told him "I've come upstairs so that you'll spend some time with the kids instead of talking to me. What are you doing?"

He huffed and puffed and stomped back down the stairs.

It's bloody frustrating.
He left. If he's regretting it now it's tough. He left us. He left me when I needed someone more than ever (I have severe mental health problems. Psychotic depression)

How can I get him to see that I am facilitating access to his children, not giving him opportunity to try and "win me back"

OP posts:
titchy · 01/02/2020 19:31

Stay in your bedroom, locking the door if necessary. Or can you go for a long walk or to the gym or a library or cinema or to a friends? Or can he take them out for supper rather than your house?

carly2803 · 01/02/2020 19:41

be busy.

how old are the kids?
can he take themthe park? for a walk?

dont be hanging round him, close doors, have a bath (lock the door!!), tidy upstairs,basically avoid him like the plague. He should soon get the message.

Shame he hasnt realised, its nice to be nice and have a chat but following you upstairs is just boundaries!!!

PumpkinP · 01/02/2020 20:10

My ex was the same. Use to take me going upstairs to my bedroom as a hint to follow me. Seemed way more interested in me than them.

RandomMess · 01/02/2020 20:16

Tell him he has to take them out to McDonalds or soft play or if you trust him not to go through your stuff go out yourself for a cuppa or meet up with friends.

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 01/02/2020 21:33

I wouldn't trust him in the house.
They asked if they could go to the park. He said no Hmm
They're 11, 6 and 4.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/02/2020 21:35

Well you tell him from now on he has to take them OUT!!'

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 01/02/2020 22:35

Taking them out can be difficult.
The 11 year old has hearing loss and a heart condition, the 6 year old has a severe anxiety disorder which leaves her mute in new situations and anywhere she's uncomfortable, and the 4 year old has behavioural problems.
He finds it difficult having them all out.

Yet I'm autistic and on crutches and I manage to take them all out Hmm

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/02/2020 22:45
Grin

Tell him he need to take them the McDs for tea Wink

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 01/02/2020 22:51

random unfortunately 4 year old is also allergic to tomatoes and has coeliac🤦
So McDs is out.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 01/02/2020 22:52

Honestly. Nothing is ever simple with kids is it? Grin

OP posts:
chillied · 01/02/2020 23:06

Hmmm well it's all very soon after he's left isn't it? Maybe if he hasn't got a safe home environment and he won't take them out, then maybe he can't see the kids for a few weeks until he gets himself a bit more sorted. Then you'll get a break from seeing him too, I can't imagine that's much fun for you right now?

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 01/02/2020 23:16

It's not much fun for me no. Especially with how I'm feeling right now.

But he was a SAHD to the kids, so they've gone from seeing him all the time, to 10 hours a week.

OP posts:
Anotheruser02 · 03/02/2020 14:27

He was a SAHD and can't leave the house with them? Wow life must have been interesting for the indoors all of the time. Maybe he could have one child for each 'session' and take swimming/ for a bike ride. Then they can look forward to the one to one.

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 03/02/2020 15:32

another
I know. It's ridiculous. He didn't do much with them to be fair. Used to moan whenever I suggested we take them to the nature reserve which is literally down the road from us and is amazing with a fantastic range of things for the kids to do and enjoy (den building, gruffalo woods, a massive play area, fairy woods, tree climbing plus whatever activities they have going on in the visitor centre, origami, reptile visits, bug hunts, pond dipping)
Or god forbid I suggest he take.them to the park.
They went to school and home. Hardly ever played.out unless it was summer.
I've had them out in the garden at least and I can hardly bloody walk, yet I still have fun with them.
He used to say it was too.cold to have the water table out. I say where's the harm? Yeah, alright they'll get cold hands, and possibly soak themselves, but we are in the garden, they'll be warm and dry again in a matter of minutes!

He's got an interview tomorrow so has asked if he can have them today.
I said yes.
He has already been on the phone asking if he will ever get another chance. "Not even when you're better?"
No. Fuck off.
Then he said "I never actually ended the relationship, just moved out. So we are still together"
No we fucking are not. You can fuck off with that thinking.

OP posts:
Anotheruser02 · 03/02/2020 18:33

People like that can keep you down you sound more positive in your parenting, it's good he fucked off and didn't claim his SAH status as the status quo.

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