Domestic abuse experiences (non violent)

[Light11]

Hi forum,

Sending everyone good vibes for the new year

I want to know if anyone can share their experience in relation to contact when domestic abuse or if your relationship with your child/rens father has deteriorated.

By this I mean when there is shouting swearing and harassing behaviours but without crossing the line to physical violence.

Especially if anyone has had an opinion from cafcass/children’s services relating to emotional harm as a result of an acrimonious separation.

We started contact on an every other weekend basis and sharing most of the time a few years back but unfortunately there has been instances where I have been at the receiving end of swearing and denigrating shouting in front of my little one (5).

I am considering options in relation to moving to a different part of the uk because of my work and I am finding living in London tough and expensive I need to cut down on my work hours too. This future move will likely trigger a need to change the ca court order. I think more time away from home will be damaging for ds but it’s unrealistic to expect his dad not to be involved as he does want to be involved, he suffers from mental health issues but obviously I am not in a position to demand he gets help.

What has been your experience of arrangements when your ex is a raging d*head?

I mean when there is a precedent of abusive behaviour ?

Bumping for you.

I don't have any advice but will be following as I'm going through similar. My ex sends me abusive messages as has his family. He twists my words and makes me doubt myself and my sanity.

I have contacted a domestic abuse charity and am starting to tell people that I'm suffering. I feel better for it.

I am currently going through the courts to try and stop extended access to our daughter.

My ex abused me emotionally, mentally, financially and sexually during our relationship and has continued to do so since (withdrew child maintenance payments, insults me and my family, badmouths me to our daughter, has damaged my car when he was drunk etc) he has never physically 'hit' me but he has barges in to me in our former home usually on the stairs! As well as 'tickling' me but this was clearly his way of jabbing me in the ribs when I'd annoyed him.

I've tried to do everything the right way by not taking her against our agreement, something which he has done 3 times and counties to do so to date. I have not responded to his abuse yet the courts and Cafcass are seemingly going to rule in his favour.

If I had the chance to go back and do things differently I would. I'd take our daughter and move her as far away from him as possible and let him issue court proceedings.

I do not trust the system or Cafcass. They have ignored my evidence of his abuse and controlling behaviours and have stated his lies as fact and recommended shared contact.

What I would say is that every time he does something abusive report it to the police. That has been my downfall. I never reported his behaviour and since the court papers were issues he has been on his best behaviour.

Good luck with the move. Just go for it and let him issue the court papers if he wants.

Edensmama I am very sad to hear your experience of cafcass, how are you and did things settle for you ?

What a disgusting person that is very intimidating and I can't imagine how upsetting it must be to deal with this person.

I did call police once about 2 years ago as we had bad row and he was behaving in a way that I felt if I had been a man of the same size he would not be doing, the police were very helpful and mentioned that he could be spoken to in the first instance. Because of this social services (useless) were involved briefly and they didn't take any action, which was appropriate but there is an evidence trail of our terrible relationship.

I am going for the move its just best for all.