Advise please

[stephk2020]

Hi all I have a 4 year old daughter me and her dad split up when she was 6 months old she sees her dad every other weekend and I want him to see her more but he wont. Recently my daughter has been getting extremely upset saying things like I wish mom and dad were together so I could see you both all the time. He is married and I have tried to explain to her that she has 2 moms and she is lucky to have so many people to love her when I said she has 2 moms she told me her dads wife told her she does not want to be her mom.. I am so angry that she could say this to a 4 year old I found myself in tears last night listening to my daughter I tried very hard to not let this day happen and didnt expect to be dealing with this for a while. Any advise on what to do would be appreciated it's a very hard sensitive subject

Tbf im surprised you call her step mum her mum, she isn’t. Most people wouldn’t like a step mum calling herself mum so it seems you can’t win. I’m with her on this one.

What @PumpkinP said. I'd be horrified if I thought DDs stepmum was calling herself mum. I think she was just trying to respect you and have a good boundary with your DD. It's normal for kids of your daughter's age to say things like they wish you were together- mine did the same. Just reassure her things are better kike this and learn to pick your battles with the step mum

She may have said she didn’t want to be “mum”t to her out of respect to you. My son asked BF if he could call him dad, BF asked him to ask me if that was ok as that could offend DS’ actual dad. I’m sure that if ExH had known he would have resented it.

Please don’t entertain her fantasy of having her parents together. ExBF’s son once threw a tantrum in from of him and exW as he wanted his parents to be together (dad had me and mum had new husband). She didn’t make a fuss, or try to over analyse the thing, at the end of the day they split before he could remember, she just said “Peter, we have discussed this at lenght, I think you and us know that is NOT going to happen” with the same tone used when you tell your kid you cannot go and get him an ice cream from the supermarket when he is already in bed. Kid was fine, good relationship with both parents and new partners. The more you discuss it, the more they believe there is a way around it.