My ex and I split a few months ago, mainly due to there being no love left in the relationship, but we were both at fault for not making an effort to make things better. It wasn't a particularly nice break up - he quit his job, moved 150 miles away to stay with his parents, and while I tried to stay respectful, he dragged my name through the mud. As he was the sole provider for the family (I'm a SAHM as my little ones aren't at school age yet), I was left with three children, almost no food or nappies in the house, and only £20 that I'd had tucked away for emergencies.
My family, and I am so grateful to them, rallied around to make sure I could pay my rent and had shopping for the three weeks it took for me to get universal credit. They helped make sure I had everything that I needed, and were there if I needed to talk. And I can't thank them enough for that.
This is the first time I've lived alone in my entire adult life (I moved in with him when I was 17 and we were together for ten years).
Before he moved out was depressed all the time, unmotivated, floundering in debt, and felt trapped. Now I've really had to grow up, and not to blow my own trumpet but I'm really proud of how much I've grown. The house is always spotless, I'm full of energy, I'm cooking healthy meals, managing my money and making huge progress paying off my debts.
There's just one problem.
With my ex living so far away from the children, and him having no income to pay for hotels and little money to travel regularly, I've allowed him to stay two nights every other weekend, or when he has come down for job interviews here so that he can spend time with the children (he's planning on getting another job locally and living nearby).
I'm not unhappy with the arrangement - we are getting on far better than we did when we were in a relationship, but my family are very angry at me for allowing it.
My biggest priority will always be the happiness of my children, and I don't think that a few hours every other weekend that my family are insisting on is enough time for my children to have with their dad. I also know that as a parent, it would break my heart to see them so infrequently, so despite what he put me through, I'll never want to take away what time he can spend with them just because my family don't like him, and to be honest its pretty nice for me to have some time to unwind and get things done while I've got an extra set of hands on deck. It isn't permanent, once he finds somewhere to live, the overnight visits will be stopped, but for now it feels like the right solution.
My family have told me outright that they won't visit while he is here, and that if I ever got back together with him they would disown me. Right now I'm not thinking about the future, but I'd never want to rule it out. There would have to be significant changes on both sides and right now I'm not seeing those changes from him. But that's another bridge I might not even have to cross, so I'm not too worried about that right now.
So my question is, how do I ask my family to let me do what I feel is right for me and my children, without seeming ungrateful for all that they have done? I love them, and I'm so thankful for all they have ever done. But they won't budge on this, and neither will I.