Child custody battle. Where do we start?

[Startaler]

My son has had his daughter 3 nights per week since birth. She will be 3 next week. He has an amazing bond with her. This has up to now been a mutual agreement between himself and his child's mother. Lately, the child's mother has tried to reduce this contact.

My son pays regular child maintenance. He also provides everything for his child when she is in his care ie clothes, shoes, toys. Up to now it's very much been shared care.

The mother and her partner want DGD to stay less nights per week. My son has disagreed and this has lead to the mother withholding contact when she chooses.

We have come to the realisation that things are not going to get better and unfortunately he needs a better arrangement for the sake of his child who is being used as a pawn

We really don't know where to start. His name is on the birth certificate so he does have parental responsibility.

Can anybody advise on what causes of action are open to him. He really didn't want to have to go through the courts but unfortunately it seems inevitable. TIA

Also, he does not want to go into a full sole custody battle, he just wants to keep to the arrangement they have always had.

You will need to attend mediation before you can apply to the courts. Ive just been through the courts and it took 15 months in total. When you do apply you put in the application what your reasons are for starting court proceedings and if you are assigned a CAFCASS officer you will go through it with them too.

Sorry but a huge backstory here if he had baby 3 nights a week from birth

Not necessarily a back story. If I had split with my DP when either of our DD were born I'd have let him have overnights.

Honestly he’d be better off just taking it to court, if three nights a week had been the arrangement since birth then I imagine the courts will just formalise that and then maybe it would be a good idea to put in something about alternating Christmas and something to take school holidays into account so each parent can have the child for longer stretches of time over the holiday. It’s not too expensive (£215 and options to get help on a low income), they’ll have to try mediation first but if they agree something in mediation then they can still get it formalised in court to make it all legal and official.

@Starlight456

Mumsnet is not a true reflection of real life - most people, get on and most seperating parents arent at logger heads or in a 'battle', and most parents dont go to court...

You will need to have a legal agreement in place for sure. These in my area typically cost around £2k+ if they don’t actually reach the court stage (ie settled in mediation) up to unfortunately much more significant figures.
Both parties (as in childs mother and father) will be expected to demonstrate you have done all you can to come to a reasonable agreement prior to court and this would include mediation. You can opt not to attend mediation but I would strongly advise you not to undermine the processes as this could make the judge see your side less favourably.
If the mother is withholding contact for no genuine reason then she should be careful because again this will not look favourable in the long term.
I would advise you to seek legal advice but in the meantime you should try and document an arrangement in the way of trying to settle things amicably. For example you (The father) could email the mother explaining that you are concerned that the contact arrangement has changed without consent, reaffirm what the pattern of contact has been, why this works well.
You could also win some long term brownie points if you suggest an alternative contact arrangement which could work. This would go towards the view of you being reasonable.

The main thing in these cases is always act on what you believe is in the best interests of the child. I really can’t stress this enough, not only as a mother who has been through a divorce with children involved but also as someone who has friends in this field of expertise. This was always rammed down my neck. Quite rightly so.

One thing is when she starts school you may need to adjust arrangements so she settles into her school life more and you might want to put that in your first documented contact with the child’s mother because again that makes you look reasonable, pro active for your DDs sake and acting in her best interests.

I hope that’s not too much sorry!

Here's some info on what to do

www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce

He will need to go to mediation first before court. Initially it will be him and the mediator (approx. £95) which is more fact finding ie how often he has her, what happens when plans change, why is other parent now withholding etc. They will then send a letter to other parent inviting them to book a mediation session - she will have to pay her own costs.

Should she not respond, the mediator will give the form required to go to court. This can take over 12 months to be sorted.

Should she respond and go for her 121 session, they will invite both into a joint mediation session where child arrangements will be agreed. They will charge a further cost to have the agreement drawn up formally however, if in the joint session they feel either one is being difficult or insulting/verbally abusive etc they will end the session and give over the paperwork needed for court. The judge won't look favourable on whoever prevented mediation from working and will ask the why questions in court.

If he can't afford a solicitor, it might be worth looking for a McKenzie Friend to guide him through the court process should it happen.

@Starlight456 Sorry but a huge backstory here if he had baby 3 nights a week from birth

Of course there is a huge back story, but i didn't post looking for opinions, only facts on getting the ball rolling.

Thank you everyone who has offered advice. @Goingwiththeflow2019 Thank you, this is particularly useful. I thought there must be a step you could take before going through the courts and you have outlined it brilliantly. Hopefully this will be enough.