Stopping contact

[Latia76]

My sons dad has been found to be speaking to youngish girls (legal age however) inappropriately and a previous accusation around rape has been made towards him (I don’t believe it went to the police however and I have no way of knowing if it’s true or not). I have been advised to stop contact but he’s so manipulative that it’s making me think I’ve done the wrong thing. I’m dreading going to court when it happens as I know that he’ll throw loads of lies about me and it’s just going to upheaval everyone’s life. I’m so fed up of this situation. I’ve never stopped contact before, always tried to resolve ways around issues. On top of it he’s now no paying any maintenance because of it!!

Who advised you to stop contact?

Solicitor and then a brief chat with SS

I think you are on very sticky ground. If there has been no complaint to the police nor an allegation made to Children's services contact should continue as normal as there are no safeguarding concerns. If it goes to court they would be saying the same. If there is an ongoing investigation involving the police however this would be a suitable reason to stop contact. Have you tried mediation or are you already going to court? Do you have any concerns over his care of your son? If not contact should continue.

I don’t know if there is and don’t believe I can find this out. Strange SS have advised stopping although they know very limited information. No mediation or court yet. Some concerns yes, son comes back very unsettled and withdrawn from fathers care

How old is your son? At a young age (early school years) children often take a day or two to settle between homes, due to different surroundings, rules and parenting styles. SS are very hit and miss. As you have parental responsibility if they have official concerns they should tell you them. They shouldn't ever advise reducing contact over hearsay. Does your son have a case worker or is there an open case? If not, contact needs to continue. Email/text his Dad your concerns over your sons behaviour on return and ask how he is when he is at his. Always do it in black and white, as it gives you a paper trail and explicit evidence.

I find SS telling you to stop contact in these circumstances very odd indeed. Him being unsettled after content is very normal for a young child and while dad's behaviour is clearly not good, I don't think a court would view you stopping contact kindly based on what you've said because it dsnt affect his parenting of his child