Feeling a bit down

[daisystone]

Feeling a bit down or rather very down since Sunday when my landlord told me is putting the home where I live on the market soon and I will have to move out. I live with my 9 year old daughter who is the sunshine of my life and a smart, funny, interesting, outgoing child. I have been separated from my EX-H her father since she was a year old. He has been back in her life for the last 5 years and has a good relationship with him, his new partner and their little one who is a few years younger than mine. I have a job where I can work from home which means I am more flexible than some people and can adapt my timetable to suit my daughter, but I often have to work into the evening or get up very very early in order to fit in all of the hours.

I was making things work and thought the dark days were behind us. We have a stable happy life but with this imminent move coming I have been thrown into turmoil. I do not have any spare money in order to pay for deposits in advance (I will hopefully get all/most of mine back from here but not in time), I do not have money for removals. I am freelance so do not get holiday time and paid time off so am worried about the upheaval. I don't have a partner and have not had one since my divorce due to lack of time, childcare etc. Being a single mother is tough. I thought I was doing ok though but this has thrown me for a loop. I always knew that in a privately rented house I could be asked to leave at any time. I cannot afford to buy as do not have money for a deposit.

I told my daughter we would be moving at some point soon so as to forewarn her. She seemed worried and I have tried to alleviate her fears. She knows she will not be moving school or anything drastic like that but said "Will we be like gypsies having to move ever 4 years?". That made me want to cry. When I was young we moved a lot and I know other people do too, but I am worried that she feels the lack of stability. I am worried about not being able to move furniture out of the house on my own, two big wardrobes, daughter has a cabin bed which was a nightmare to put together by a hired man and which will never leave the house in one piece. I just feel sad and lonely and defeated today. I am in my 40s and though life would be decent by this time. I did not think I would be down to my last pounds every month not having any savings or a partner to share things with. My parents are elderly and have their own troubles so I need to put on a happy face but quite frankly I feel like I can't deal with any more setbacks sometimes.

I suppose I just want to know that there are other people out there in the same boat. It seems that many of the single mothers I meet are very young and I often feel like a bit of a failure at my age.

I can't give a lot of advice on this but everyone has moments like this.

It sounds like you're doing a great job! Your daughter felt comfortable asking about her worry instead of hiding it, you're making things work with DD and ExH and you warned her in advance rather than trying to fix everything and telling her last minute.

I think you just need a nice cuppa, go take a look at what sort of properties are around, try and get an exact move out date sorted and do the best you can to save until then.

Might not be ideal, but you could always pick up a loan if you need to and pay it off as you work. Is it possible to give ExH a bit more time in the coming weeks and get some more work in? Or can he help at all? it's not really down to him, but at the same time he won't want to see his daughter homeless. Any family around? If you have parents nearby, perhaps you could stay there a few weeks whilst the deposit from yours is returned and you can put that in to a new place?

Good luck with it all, and try not to let it overwhelm you! Take it one step at a time, it'll all work out.

Thank you for your kind reply. It actually really helped. My parents adore DD so will have her for supper once or twice a week which is a massive help in terms of me getting on with work. Obviously due to their age I don't want them to do too much more and stress them out. I may have to get a loan or possibly ask my father if he has the funds to stump me the deposit until mine comes back from this place. I am up to my neck in bills/debts etc so don't want another loan really. Paying off car loan and credit card so not ideal to do anything else but needs must. I live in a rural area so not a huge amount of properties come up which is a worry. I suppose that it will work out but I could not sleep last night and when I could I kept waking up with worry. I have been in difficult situations before and am sure we will sort it out. Just overwhelming and stressful as per usual. When does it get easier?

It's challenges like this that throw you as you are having to do all the mental load by yourself. You know it will work out. You have done an amazing job so far.

I'm sure your parents would want to support you. Emotionally and financially if they can. I would want to help my children when they are adults. But I fully understand your sense of independence. I am the same. And have struggled without child support for over a year and a half. My parents have helped with my food shop every now and then and uniforms etc for the children. They have no idea how that makes all the difference to me coping and not sinking.

Speak to the housing department about their deposits schemes. Put a shout out on face book for man with a van who will help with the move and bigger furniture. You can handle this. It is just the feeling of being over whelmed right now.

Thank you. I do feel overwhelmed. I am doing all the right things but until a suitable property comes up in my price range I really am stuck and that worries me as time is of the essence. I wish I owned a property and did not have to be at the mercy of landlords. It is a constant worry. I shall speak to CAB/housing department tomorrow about deposit schemes. Luckily since the law changed they mainly ask for 4 weeks rent as a deposit as opposed to 6 weeks which is what I had to put up when I moved to the property I am currently in.