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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Hmrc

20 replies

Poppypup123 · 09/01/2020 23:27

I separated from my husband some years ago, he left, after a few weeks I was advised to claim tax credit for myself and my daughter. One day he just moves himself back in, said he looked into his rights and I could not stop him as his name is on the deeds to the house( it’s a joint mortgage, joint bank account for direct debits and wages). I spoke to a benefits advisor to see if this would affect my single claim, he said no, there is no change, you do not have a partner living with you, if you are in separate rooms leading a separate life you are entitled to the same benefit, it was perfectly ok to have the joint account as it wd be the most practical way to ensure the mortgage was paid. Both our wages are paid into this account, I don’t see a single penny of my wage, the household bills are in my name, he has direct debits of his own for his car, dvla, insurance etc. He has complete control of the account and hold both cards, only he knows the balance, none of my business he says, I have my own account for benefits. He downright refuses to separate the account, he needs to make sure I pay my half of the mortgage... this is the reason I’m still here in this house, stuck in an impossible situation unable to afford to move as I will still have to pay my share, I have in the past applied for a council house but he found out and forced me to stop the application. I have tried to take my name off the account but the bank says the procedure wd be that the account is frozen, he wd find out. I told him I would have my wages paid into my separate account and all he’ll broke loose, he threatened me with all sorts including suicide... he’s an alcoholic, there is no communication between us at all Long story short, I have received a letter from hmrc to check my claim is correct, they see a financial link between him and I. At first I thought well yes you will as he’s under this roof, now I’m thinking the benefits advisor has given me the wrong advice and they have had no clue he’s been here, I’m at my wits end with worry, I’ve to send in the usual documents including bank statements which I will have to get behind his back and I have an awful feeling they are going to incriminate me, help

OP posts:

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 10/01/2020 07:34

Hmrc do check up on this kind of thing.
But if you go to women's aid for support about the financial abuse then they can maybe advocate for you and explain you felt too scared.
They might also help you to take steps to live a life without this abuse.

NeedAnExpert · 10/01/2020 07:38

You must realise this looks dodgy.

There was nothing stopping you from opening a sole account for your wages, paying your mortgage bit into the joint account and changing all other payments to your sole account.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/01/2020 07:41

Tell your employer your bank details for the benefits account. Move your salary to there. You do not need his permission.

Set up a standing order to cover your share of the mortgage - label it "mortgage" on it so it is auditable from his account.

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 10/01/2020 07:44

You need to get your wages paid into a different account, whatever he's threatening. The advice you got was correct, the joint account does make things look suspicious. If HMRC stop your benefits you'll have nothing if everything is going into the joint account

Btw, surely the bank can help you access the account?

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 10/01/2020 07:45

"Set up a standing order to cover your share of the mortgage - label it "mortgage" on it so it is auditable from his account."

Yes, definitely do this

NeedAnExpert · 10/01/2020 07:54

How many years is “some”? Have you explored options for divorce etc?

LouLouLoupee · 10/01/2020 07:59

Yeah on paper this looks dodgy af.
You need to get all your money paid into your personal account. You have the right to do that regardless of what he says.
If you feel unsafe around him speak to woman’s aid/trusted friend/any professional working with you atm and make a plan to leave and force the sale of the house.

WitchDancer · 10/01/2020 08:18

You really do need to get off that joint account too - you will be liable for any overdraft on it, authorised or otherwise. Yes the shit may hit the fan but with plenty of notice to your ex there is no reason it shouldn't be done.

The suicide threats etc are just a form of control, and there are plenty of threads on here with advice on how to deal with that

OurChristmasMiracle · 10/01/2020 09:40

You need to leave. He is using finance and intimidation as a way of controlling you. Does your wages only cover your share of the mortgage or should there be money left? If so where’s that money going to?

I’d speak to women’s aid, reapply to the council for assistance with their help and get my money paid into an account in my own name, however if you are unsafe I would wait until you are in a refuge or safe place away from him to do so, but the moment you can get it in your name do. Freeze the joint account as well- he can borrow money that you will also be liable to repay! (Take it from someone who made that mistake and is still paying it off!!)

And most importantly whatever you do stay safe. Think ahead. Tell the council that he is a threat to to your safety so not to send any post etc to your address. Have it sent to a friend/family members.

Original poster

Poppypup123 · 10/01/2020 11:00

I sent a letter to hmrc back in April and told them he had moved himself back into the property in March, if that affected my claim to cancel it. I didn’t receive an award notice but still the money was being paid , I have written twice since ,I’ve received no correspondence from them. I’ve stupidly went along with his threats to keep the peace through sheer fear and for my daughters sake, she’s going through exams at the moment so didn’t want to add any more pressure on her. I did have a solicitors letter for my personal use stating I was separated.. I say did as he has thrown loads of my stuff out, I’m looking for that today. I’m glad I joined this site, you have given me the confidence to start taking control of my life. I will take your advice and find out how to get in touch with women’s aid, I need all the help I can get. I’m absolutely petrified of how I’m going to manage on my own financially when I will have to pay all this money back to hmrc.. and I say when because that is a certainty. I am going to the bank to attempt to get a statement for my own account, I can’t remember the account number but surely if I take I’d with me that she’d be ok? He cut my card up. I have until the 22nd January to send my paperwork in, will just have to see what happens

OP posts:

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 10/01/2020 11:22

I don't think it is a certainty.
You're already going through a lot.
Don't borrow trouble.
Don't acknowledge to hmrc that you believe you owe them money.
You are separated.
You have a document to that effect.
You informed them at every turn.

I imagine it's common to have a shared account for the mortgage .

In these circumstances it's best for you to have financial independence and for clarity in the future for hmrc but I think you're in the right and they might see that.

They have a habit of thinking single parents aren't single eg seeing a male name registered at the house but it's actually your son. It happens all the time.

You aren't together.
Thank goodness!

Stand firm and get some support.

stilldoesntknowwhatshappening · 10/01/2020 11:29

I don't know if I'm reading this wrong. But why can't you just have all of your income into your account? You don't need his permission to do that.

But yes from the outside this looks dodgy as hell.
You live together, have the same bank account. Has your divorce been finalised?

NeedAnExpert · 10/01/2020 13:33

The OP has 2 threads running on this and is getting different advice.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 10/01/2020 15:15

Are you sure? She made a comment on an older thread I can find.
Could you link?

NeedAnExpert · 10/01/2020 16:52

You’re right. Sorry

Original poster

Poppypup123 · 10/01/2020 22:04

I’ve managed to find my separation document so that’s a relief. I’ll gather all my evidence and send it off, what will be will be. Next step is to get myself help to get this sham sorted out, enough is enough, time to toughen up and have some belief in myself

OP posts:

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 11/01/2020 09:56

Banks are starting to get better around financial abuse.

They might be able to take your name off the shared bank account without his consent.

But work on safety first.

If he's doing things like threatening suicide that's abuse.

Womens aid will hopefully be able to help you make a safety plan.

ThreeBlindNice · 23/01/2020 14:05

Hi @Poppypup123
Did you manage to sort it out?

Original poster

Poppypup123 · 31/01/2020 18:30

I’m getting there. Tax credits check came back as no change to my award and I’ve managed to separate my finances. Getting him out of the house is another battle, decided to go down the legal route and I have a lawyer sorting that out for me, having to get a court order. The council won’t allocate me a house “as I already have a roof over my head”. Should all be sorted soon, the law is on my side as he signed a separation agreement which states I have occupancy of the property until my child is 19 yrs old.

OP posts:

Light11 · 01/02/2020 09:56

What you are describing is coercive control and is illegal and you need to take a moment to read on this topic as you regain control of your life.

Hmrc can be helpful but they work on the basis of evidence, first you need to think about the future and what needs to happen in relation to get you to a position where you have control of your own financial affairs.

If you have specific tax questions post them don’t stay quiet there are many people with relevant background who might be able to answer or point you in the right direction.

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