DC bedtime when with exP

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My DC (5) see's their dad (my exP) regularly. Their bedtime at home is 7:30. When DC stays with their dad, they go to bed anywhere between 9 and 10:30. DC has had a few quite serious health problems over the past year, and although they are almost back to normal, they are quite tired most of the time, and really need to be in bed at a reasonable time.

DC comes back home after a night at their Dad's, and they are shattered and grumpy, and it effectively rules out the rest of that day for doing anything as all they want to do is lie on the sofa (or moan awkwardly non stop!).

I have spoken to my ex about the late nights, but his response is a late night now and again won't kill them (it's once a week, including school nights some times, and DC is 5). And then he continues to put them to bed late.

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can try and deal with this? I never get involved with what my ex does with DC on their time, but this is really effecting my child, they are tired, tearful and miserable due to not enough sleep every time they come home!

He isnt putting them to bed at all is he. He is waiting until they can’t stay awake any longer so bedtime is easy. It isnt to treat them. It is pure laziness.

Unfortunately, i dont think you can do anything about it.

It’s shit and lazy parenting on his behalf. But you’ve spoken to him and it hasn’t made a difference so unfortunately I don’t think there’s anything else you can do. This isn’t a big enough issue to stop contact so your only option really is to make sure your DC has ample opportunity to catch up on sleep when they’re with you.

If you have spoken to him and it's made no difference there is nothing else you can do. It will be seen as a difference in parenting style by the court.

I feel your pain. My exH does the same, although he sends the kids to bed at a reasonable time but doesn't make them turn their light off so they stay awake for ages. Cunning on his part as he can legitimately say he is putting them to bed at the right time.
It takes my DC a week to recover from 2 nights at his and in that time I have to put up with them being so over tired and grumpy

I get on reasonably well with my ex but his response to anything I say is to get defensive. He doesn't see the effect a late night has on my DC as it's me that has to deal with it. I've not made a big deal out of it but now they are starting to go to bed that late on a school night too I wonder whether I should try and say something again?

I wouldn’t get worked up over this tbh. Not ideal but I don’t think it’s a massive deal
Either

Are they struggling at school on the days after they sleep over? In which case can their teacher have a word about bedtimes? Can you arrange contact so he has them the day after and sees how tired they are?

I guess I could ask the teacher to keep an eye on them the day after they've been to their dads, and if need be have a word with my ex. I wouldn't say it was such a big deal either but with DC only being 5 and still not 100% health wise I think I need to attempt to do something..

to the poster who said "it isnt a big deal! yes it is.

kids need routine, and to sleep. If this affects the rest of the week it is an issue!

OP speak to school, if he wont listen to you and he realises school know, hemight up his game?

It’s not enough to stop contact, so in the grand scheme of things no I don’t think it’s a massive deal. Also can’t see what the teachers can do? It isn’t abuse or neglect, so they parent different that’s all it is.