How do you feel when your children's behaviour reminds you of your ex?

[OhamIreally]

I love my DD and do a lot to make her happy. She is quite moany though and it particularly upsets me when I've gone to a lot of trouble and I think she's ungrateful.
I think my sadness is compounded by the fact that my ex, her dad, would delight in spoiling special occasions (that were important to me), either by moaning and refusing to participate or letting me put in all the legwork then dashing in at the last minute to take the glory/enjoyment.
So today DD has been moaning and refusing to participate. I have spent a lot of money thought and effort to get us here and I could have cried I really disliked her and have to use all my self control not to shout "you're just like your father".
When she gets her own way all is sweetness and light but is becoming so selfish and it's making me really unhappy.

How old is she?

The thing is, most kids can be moany and ungrateful sometimes, especially at Christmas when they're overwrought/tired/reality rarely lives up to the hype. Mostly we can just be prepared for it and not let it get to us, have a stern word, eyeroll to ourselves and get on with it. The problem is that you're associating her behaviour with the emotional baggage you've acquired from your ex, which isn't her fault and isn't necessarily related.

She's 10.

You're right of course and I don't express it to her but I do think why do I bother.

Because it's just the two of us I can't ever work out if I do too much or too little. Feels like an oppressive dynamic.