Ex controlling my finances

[SomeoneElse83]

I have two children with my ex, he moved out over a year ago and has since been controlling most parts of my life. He won't give me any money for the children but instead he will pay for a food shop every now and then or pay for car repairs, bills etc. His reason for this is so that I don't ever have spare money which will enable me to go out and potentially meet someone new.

I am reluctant to set up child maintenance as he doesn't understand the consequences if he doesn't pay it. He's already said that if I set it up he will remove his money from his account so that it doesn't go directly to me.

His English isn't great, he doesn't read any English and is from a country that doesn't have this kind of system in place. He doesn't have a permanent visa at this time and if he refuses to pay maintenance it will affect his visa. He won't talk to any officials or mediator (he won't even make his own doctors appointments or manage his work holidays because he's so shy/or just refuses to do things for himself to try and keep me in his life. He doesn't have any family here or friends that speak English so I can't ask them to talk to him for me.

I'm at a loss of what to do, but I really need to be able to budget the little money I have. And of course be able to have some time out from the kids.

He lives in a share house where he isn't allowed visitors so at the moment the kids are with me 24/7.

This isn't a post just to have a rant, I need some sensible advice so I can work out what to do. Thank you.

Stop making appointments for him.

If he fails to pay a few times then it will start to come out of his wages I think.
They take a % so it costs him more.

I think it's unfair to make it a legal binding situation if he isn't knowledgeable on what it means.

That's very decent of you but honestly it is not your problem. He'll soon understand when it happens. Put you and your children first and let him worry about himself.

Is he working here illegally?

No I'm not sleeping with him, and yes he has the right to work here! I've been trying to do what's best for everyone, but like a lot of you have said (and rightly so) I need to look after me and the children and let him sort himself out. I will arrange to have him pay me through child support, I think it's the only way. He's like a child and needs everything doing for him, I'm so used to this and probably do it without thinking along with taking care of two small children. I'm sure he takes advantage of the fact that I'm used to helping him. I'd rather he didn't leave the country because I'm not sure how that would affect the kids, it would definitely make my life easier but I'd hate to have to explain to them that he chose to leave. Anyway, thank you for all the advice.

Glad you're seeing that this is not your problem and finding the advice helpful. I do hope that he ups his ideas after you start using CSA. I think that it is likely he will as most people do take responsibility for themselves when push comes to shove.

If he does then it's much better for the children to see how women should be treated but also then their father is a good role model for them too.

Good luck!

@SomeoneElse83 How are things?
I hope you have gone ahead with a claim. CMS should provide translations. Whatever cultural differences there are between you, he is subject to the laws of this country. Not giving you cash to prevent you meeting someone else is just bizarre but sadly not uncommon.