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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Recently split with a 6 month old.

2 replies

hotcrossbun1989 · 17/12/2019 18:47

Hi. Really need some advice from you guys.

I currently have a 6 month old. Me and my partner split not long after she was born for 3 months on the basis that he was using drugs behind my back. (He pretty much didn't want to know us at this time, cancelled visits etc didn't contribute any money.)

We later got back together as he promised he had changed blah blah blah. And for the sake of our family I decided to give it another go. As you can probably predict, it didn't work, he has carried on using drugs behind my back. (Used to not come home at all x3 a week) He admitted he needed help and I took him to a CA meeting but last week he was so desperate to get to a party, (despite admitting he needed to stay away from that) he packed his bags and left. (Saying that I have mental health problems that he cannot help me with!) - nothing to do with the lies he tells me on a daily basis.

I've not disputed his decision (as he has just done me a favour, I knew every day I should leave as he spoke to me like crap/no respect.) He now sees his baby x3 week supervised (and I've said his family are welcome to visit at mine) But he is now saying when am I going to let him take her away. And he will get the courts involved. (He earns good money but never has any due to the drugs.) I am at a loss as what to do now and it's really stressing me out. I'm never going to let someone take my baby away from me who I know has some sort of problem and thinks nothing of driving after a beer/drugs. And that I strongly suspect has done it while I have been at the gym and he has been looking after her. (I obviously cannot prove any of this) but I do have pics of his positive drug tests and his messages admitting he has a problem.) he said he will take me to court and I could end up worse off and it will be split 50/50.

I so wanted to help him for the sake of our family (and sadly I do think deep down he knows he's not going down the right path and wants to be a good man) but I know that until he is ready to be helped it won't happen. (And I'm not willing to wait around.) Luckily, I have amazing family and friends that will support me.

When are babies allowed to be taken away with their fathers in general? (I'm not breast feeding.) he currently lives with his mum where everyone is smoking at the back door but it all blows through the house :( I live in my own property.

I want my baby to have a relationship with her father as I know that's important but these are risks I'm not willing to take. My baby is my life as I am sure you will understand but the fear of fighting a court battle is worrying me daily now. (I am clueless to all of this so any advice would be helpful.)

OP posts:
whereishappyat · 17/12/2019 19:15

Let him take you to court, I can't see any judge giving him unsupervised access to a baby whilst he can't prove he is clean from drugs. He may have to do regular drugs testing. I wouldn't let my child within an inch of him alone either your not in the wrong.

kitk · 18/12/2019 15:41

Let him take you to court but make sure your message is that you support him having a relationship with the baby and moving towards unsupervised contact in future but you feel worried about this given your evidence of his drug use

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