Access for 18mo

[MG08]

My DD's dad and I split up 3 months ago. She is now 18 months. At the time of our separation I said he could come and see her whenever he wanted. He started coming in the evening after work, staying whilst she had dinner and then leaving after she had gone to bed. This didn't even last a week. He then chose to come every other evening and left when her dinner was ready, having stayed around 45 minutes.

At the moment he comes after work arriving around 4.45 and then leaving around 5.30 when we start the bedtime routine, he comes round 3 times a week. He then has her Saturday's 9-3. I work 3 days a week and these are generally the days he chooses to visit. I work until 5pm but always make arrangements to be at home for his 4.45 arrival otherwise he will not come in if my mum is there, she provides childcare.

He has said he doesn't see our DD enough, but he chose to visit every other day and to leave at 5.30. She is breastfed and does feed a lot, I come home during my work days to feed her. He wants 9-5 on Saturday's but when he brings her back at 3pm at the moment she cries for a feed. She has also fallen asleep around 5.30 on the days he has her as he doesn't think she should have a routine so naps are unscheduled, too short and also happen in the car because he can not get her to sleep. So if she returned at 5 I would not have time to do dinner, bath etc, plus she has a long feed when she gets home.

Do all these arrangements seem fair? 3 evenings a week and 9-3 on a Saturday?

He has also said he will come to us and see her on Christmas Day morning and then he wants her for the whole of boxing day. I have said he can come Christmas morning and then have boxing day afternoon as we will be staying overnight at my parents house on christmas day. He has said he wants all of boxing day because I will have all of christmas day, but he's coming to us in the morning, so I won't. It'll be a busy day for her on Christmas day and I would like her to have a relaxed morning pottering about without having to rush home and get her ready to go out for the day.

Is this reasonable?

I have a 16month old DS and dad see's him 1 day a weekend 9-1pm, he doesn't get home from work until 5.30/6pm so won't see him in the evenings. He too complains he doesn't see DS enough but like your ex won't stick to routine/naps/feeding times to be able to have him longer or overnight. I think your schedule is extremely fair.

I work three days with my mum as my childcare too and I continue to make my ex aware that he has the choice to drop a day at work to spend with DS if he wishes. We all make sacrifices to spend time with our children.

Don't doubt yourself, sounds like your putting your child's needs first and that's the most important thing.

Thank you for your reply. It's difficult isn't it!