Advice please

[tjf18]

My ex husband is constantly letting my children down with empty promises. I'm always left picking up the peices and dealing with their upset . My daughter aged 13 seems to handle it better by not expecting the promises to happen , yet my 16 year old son is different. His dad lets him down, yet he forgives (and rightly so) , until the next time etc etc. But when he gets excited about a promised event, and I try to give him advice such as 'be careful about getting too excited in case it doesn't happen etc' I get accused of bad mouthing his dad. How can I give advice without it seeming like I'm slating his dad? This is not a new scenario as we've been divorced 9 years.

It's so hard isn't it. DD's dad lets her down in less serious ways than this- dsnt answer phone when he's said he'll be free to chat etc and she gets upset by that. As she's younger I can normally distract her by asking if she can help me with the dinner/ choose a movie for later etc but sometimes like you, I say something and regret it like "you know what he's like..." It's tough because you're not trying to alienate the other parent, just let them know their feelings of disappointment are legitimate. I'm not sure if you're in a position to do this or not but try to acknowledge his disappointment and offer a make up plan where possible. Eg I'm sorry son. Shall we do x,y,z together instead? Would you like fav food for dinner etc? I know it's not ideal and I feel for you