Contact order help

[September14]

Sorry this will be long any advice would be appreciated.

My ex husband has been away 4 years seeing children regularly. My 9 year old goes happily bug my 5 year old is very upset leaving and staying over.

My ex took me to court for alternate weekends contact last November and that was court ordered. For a few months it worked but on may my son started refusing to go and became upset at handover. Running into the house and hiding, crying screaming etc and I couldn’t let him go in that state. I always encourage contact and have made birthday cakes with them for their dad, tried changing drop off locations etc.
My little one then stared being upset leaving me at all and so I went to a phycologist for advice as my ex constantly threatens that by not allowing him to take my son in a historical state I’m in breach of the order.
In October he took me back to court and the sheriff listened to the fact I had been managing to get my son to go during the au but not stay and the psychologist advice that it’s traumatising to force him to leave in that state. So until yesterday the court agreed to 8-8 on Saturday and 8-5 on Sunday. Yesterday we were back to review and a different sheriff orders a return to overnight contact stating it’s my responsibility to make my son go. Now I see that he needs contact but my question is how can a sheriff order me to go against the advice of a psychologist and risk traumatising my son?
How do I protect his mental health?
I worried to be in contempt of court as I’m a teacher.

Ive no advice im sorry -have you got a good solicitor?

you say sheriff - scotland?

Im really sorry your kids (and you)! are going through this. Is there a reason they do not want to go? I wish men would listen and realise its not in a childs interests to drag them away

The problem is that although it is not a good idea to send your son in hysterics for contact, your children seem to know that contact is “optional” or if that if they throw a tantrum they will do as they please.

I would try to find out if there is anything in particular that is upsetting them, and take it from there but explain that ya only fair for dad to see them as well. Now if they say something really worrying you need to act to protect your children.

It is Scotland thanks.

My older girl goes fine. It’s my little one, his issue is sleeping away. He’s scared and wants to sleep at home. He is seeing his dad 8-8 on Saturday and 8-5 on Sunday on his dads weekends. This is his dads choice of alternate weekend contact.
I don’t see why he should be forced to sleep away when he’s so distressed by it? And a psychologist is saying it could be traumatising? Why is overnight contact being mandated? Surely happy contact during the day is adequate and in my sons best interest? Why should be be made to be so scared to suit his fathers wishes?

cant you come to an arrangement where he picks up from school and drops off at school?

Or at the very least handovers done in a park?

Rather than seeing it as being forced to spend the night away could you try to see it as the Dad’s right to have his children overnight?

I know it must be really traumatic for you too, could you appeal at all?

" I don't see why he should be forced to sleep away when he’s so distressed by it? And a psychologist is saying it could be traumatising? Why is overnight contact being mandated? "

Because fathers have rights too? Maybe you should just tell him to stop crying about it. It's not optional. It's not too much to spend overnight with his dad.

Yes fathers have rights even if it traumatises the child, what a sorry fucking state the family court system is b