Hello,
Sorry if this ends up being long, I could just really do with some advice, I feel like I just don't know what to do for the best with my exs contact with DC.
For background, DC is 3. Split when I was pregnant, had no involvement until DC was 2 weeks old, then decided to have some contact.
Has gradually built up from a few hours a week, to eow. This arrangement has only started a few months ago.
Have several times had to speak with ex regarding concerns when he has DC. For example sending them back dirty/sore. Not giving Calpol when ill. This usually ends in me being told I am overreacting and too overprotective.
Since the new arrangement DC has on a few occasions said they don't want to go, I've usually tried to encourage it or let them speak to their dad and decide for themselves. I have always tried to be positive about their relationship and friendly with him in person, as I really do want them to have a relationship.
Contact is almost always at grandparents house, as he doesn't like to look after child alone and I provide all clothes, medicine, pull ups etc.
Anyway, most recent visit child again was reluctant to go but decided to. I called a few times over the weekend and seemed to be fine.
They have come home today in the same clothes I sent them to nursery in on Friday (underwear and all). Despite the fact I send multiple changes of clothes, and they have some there. When getting ready for bed they had clearly not been cleaned properly for the entire weekend, so much so that there was an obvious smell. Also very teary, this is also a common occurrence when they come home.
Given that they are saying they don't want to go, I feel as though they clearly neglecting to care for them properly, would I be unreasonable to stop overnight contact for the foreseeable future?
I would still allow contact in the day, but I don't know if this is too harsh? I just so badly want them to have a relationship but I feel like I need to protect them too so I just don't know what to do for the best. I also worry if things are made difficult he'll just stop bothering altogether.
Thanks if you got this far!