Aaargh...just work..and toddler...and being on my own! RANT!

[Janos]

I'm a bad mother and a crap employee. That's how I feel at the moment!

Don't get me wrong..I love my DS very much but it does feel like a huge, huge struggle sometimes and my life has (almost literally) been turned upside down since he arrived.

I look at other mums just getting on with it, managing, and wonder, why can't I do that?

I feel perpetually stressed and exhausted - I am trying to care for him as well as working full time and it's just me. Sometimes it really just feels like too much! Often feel as though I'm doing too many jobs and not doing any of those very well

Just...AAARGH! Thank you, feel a wee bit better for venting

Being at home with a toddler is exhausting and stressfull too. Any you are working full time! So you have double the stress.

i used to work full time, and i was so exhausted. In the end it affected my health, so now i work part time. Youll probably find there isnt that big a difference financially.
When i worked full time, we had more takeaways and convenience foods, i used more taxis etc-

find out if how you would be financially if you worked part time and consider if it is worth it

I second amazingwoman (nice name btw), go and get a benefits check froma lone parent benefits advisor. You may not find much difference financially.

As for doing too many jobs - don't!
I don't iron, I don't dust, most things go in the dryer, I hoover about once a month upstairs. I have seriously lowered my standards snce having ds - I would rather do a puzzle with him or run cars along the floor than iron!

You are managing on your own and that is fantastic - don't be too hard on yourself! Forget the housework, do something kiddy with you tot like a walk to the park or something.

You could ask for part time hours by doing a job share for example, or get a new, less stress part time job.

Janos have a look at the web site www.entitledto.com

Do a few calculations based on working more than 16 hours/ more than 30 hours (there's a difference in what you get paid) and you may well find that you will be better off (psychologically, physically and financially) working part time.

here's the link

hi janos

just wanted to empathise with you 100%. I work 4 days per week and have sole care of my dd (22 months, today actually!).

her father manages to see her once every 12 weeks or so and the last time was mid-june. I am seriously considering saying no next time he raises his head as I just can't be doing with it tbh. Also, as time goes by I think it will be more confusing her to her as she gets older.

Any tips on ideas for getting him to prove that he means it when he says he'll see her weekly before seeing her once then going awol again for the next 3 months?

Sorry for the hijack!

Anyways, sorry I have no useful advice other than to say I understand. Hope you're feeling a bit better now.

No really useful advice either. I'm a fake lone parent because DH is away working until beginning of November. I am at home with ds1 (4 yrs) and ds2 (2 months). Not so bad during week when ds1 goes to the municipal play centre, but week-ends are really hard. It's too hot outside to take the baby out and his older brother is bored and cooped up. I'm tired.

Just to let you know that you're not alone!!

Oh, thank you all for your advice! forgot I had posted here actually

Sadly, for very complex reasons which I won't go into here, working part time is just not possible. Believe me, I would be doing it if it were an option.

But yes, am thinking about applying for a new job. At the mo it just feels like another stresfsul thing to do though so we will see.

Am trying to find out about lone parent groups in my area but there doesn't seem to be much - I'm in Scotland and Gingerbread is England And Wales only.

Hi Janos

Not sure if you will read this as I think your message is old.

I am in a v simliar situation to you - it's not fun is it?

I'm in Scotland too and would like to meet other single mums as all my friends are married, but as you say no gingerbread here.

Glad you are feeling a bit better

Idreamof Clooney (great name)!

Well no, fun is not a word I would use,

Please feel free to CAT me if you want, cos we single mums should stick together

I'm in Edinburgh BTW.

Hello Janos and I Dream of Clooney. I am a recently single mum in Scotland too, Inverness to be precise. I would suggest going to your Health Visitor. I saw one the other week when my regular one was away and she actually deals with the lone parent side of things so you could ask your Health Visitor if they have one of these in your area. This one told me of the lone parent groups in my area.

It is hard work being a single mum I have two little ones age 18 months and almost 3 years and I just feel like I can never catch up. I find a quick hoover works magic. It's trying to cook a decent meal I find frustrating. I have found letting my older one go to play in her bedroom on her own can help at this time as it stops them arguing

That is a very good idea - my health visitor is lovely and supportive so I will speak to her.

Thank you