Wanting to move towns since losing ex-H but worried about kids.

[Velvetrevolution]

Was co-parenting with ex but he died 6 months ago. Only family is elderly mum about half an hour away. Moved from big city where I went to uni which I loved, to small town in north of Scotland, which I find lonely and isolating. Have been here a long time, 18 years, don’t have any friends really. Still have good friends in the big city an hour away. So lonely I am struggling with depression. Seeing friends would help my mood so much. One grown up child, but two in primary school. Has anyone moved themselves, and how can you help children cope with it? It’s just an idea at the moment, so please don’t slate me for being selfish.

I’d go to where the greatest support would be. Your youngest will adapt. Especially if mum is happier.

You are not being selfish. You have been through a huge trauma.

I was always told do nothing major for a year after a bereavement.

Are you in rented or do you own your property?

I personally would get the kids to the end of the school year and if you still are unhappy then love over the summer and kids can start new school then.

The children will be ok. Children are amazingly resilient.

That should have been move them over not love

Yes, I think moving sounds like it would be the right thing to do

I would do it in a heartbeat in your situation.

Lovely, I did that.
My Dd grew up in a tiny village, same friends since nursery etc. When my marriage broke up, DD was still in primary. I bought a place in the city, close to the centre, opened a bank account for her, got her a bus pass and sent her to a huge school, from a primary that had 90 kids, to a school that has everything from reception to A levels.
I work full time, I am on my own totally. I needed to make sure she can sort herself out if I am late from work etc.
We’re about 5 years down the line.
The best thing I ever did.
She loves the independence, it amuses us still when she texts: I made you some dinner (after going shopping for food on her way from school). She started doing that in year 7.
Weekends are so easy. She just takes herself into town to see friends, I don’t ferry her anywhere anymore, we’re surrounded by people and school peers, we can have deliveries (before nobody delivered in the middle of nowhere where we were).

Thanks very much for the responses. The other reason I’d feel a bit guilty about moving is my mum, as she’s about 30 minutes away from me now, part of the reason I moved back here for family support. She’s got memory problems. But even she doesn’t want to live in my village as there is nothing here! Might be able to persuade her to move with me if I did move, she was from big city originally herself.

I would move in a heartbeat. You need to have support around you, it is impossible to parent 24/7 if you don’t have a network of support.

I lived in a small village and although I loved the peace and the house, I have never felt so lonely and isolated in my life. My social life changed completely as soon as I was nearer to people and things I cared for. WRT my son, pretty much the same experience as SeaPebbles mentioned above.

I have been raising my child singlehandedly for a long time, being in a bigger place with more things for DS and I to do has given us a very healthy independence. Small places are great for young kids and for retirement, but not to raise teenagers unless you can ferry them everywhere from parties to work or have the money to provide them with a car.