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Original poster

Dad wants maintenance

34 replies

MCR77 · 29/11/2019 13:02

Hi everyone, I need some advice.

I am a single mum with three children. My 12 yr old is going to live with his dad from now on. His dad will get the child benefit and obviously my tax credits will reduce as well. It's a financial loss for me but I will just about manage.
His dad now told me he wants maintenance for our son and will take me to court to get it.
There is no way I can give him anything, I am paying a low rent as it is and have hardly any money left as it it.

Can he really ask for that? Or is he just trying to scare me?

I don't want to come across as cold but I'm in a bit of a state atm as I am scared I loose my home and it completely uproot and unsettle my other two children.

Any advice would be appreciated 😔

OP posts:
Crabonastick · 29/11/2019 13:04

Hey OP.

He can’t take you to court to get maintenance. He can make a claim with the CMS. They will say you need to pay X% of your gross salary.

Paying maintenance is not optional. What is your income and how often will your son stay at yours? Are there only 2 other children in the household?

Clangus00 · 29/11/2019 13:06

Damn right he can if he has him more than 50/50.
You won’t have to give him much, but you still have to support your son.
Did dad give you maintenance while he lived with you?

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 29/11/2019 13:07

Are the other two kids his? Surely anything you owe him would be cancelled out by what he should be paying in maintenance for the other two?

TheRightHonerable · 29/11/2019 13:09

If he has sole custody then of course he’s entitled to CM 🙄 how many men out there would simply say ‘I can’t afford it’ if CM were optional 😂

I’m afraid this is a terrible example of thinking rules should be different for you simply because you’re the woman.
He should get CB
You should lose out on TC
You should pay CM

^ Thats how it works

RubaDubMum89 · 29/11/2019 13:11

Yes OP, he is (rightfully so) entitled to maintenance for the child that will be with him full time.

I don't think it's enforceable through court, but he can and should, get CMA to chase you for what is owed. Due to your circumstances it won't be much per month, but, just as would be said to any man who was wishing to forfeit maintenance payments, you should contribute towards the child you created.

Out of interest, did the father pay maintenence to you for the child whilst they resided with you?

Original poster
MCR77 · 29/11/2019 13:11

According to his dad no time at all but he is not letting me speak to him and I think my son is worried I am angry with him.

I have put my income in the maintenance calculator and I would have to pay 180£ a month which means my income doesn't even cover my rent and bills let alone child care, food and clothes

OP posts:
BarrenFieldofFucks · 29/11/2019 13:11

Presumably he pays you more for the remaining kids? So he just reduces the amount he gives you to account for one less child?

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 29/11/2019 13:12

Does he pay you maintenance for your two other children?

Chattybum · 29/11/2019 13:16

As above, does he pay maintenance for the other children still with you?

Original poster
MCR77 · 29/11/2019 13:18

I am fully aware of how it works. One child remaining with me is his the other not. He has not paid maintenance for them for years now, because I did not go to the CMS to chase him, I was able to manage on my own.

OP posts:
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 29/11/2019 13:19

Why did you come back to the thread OP and ignore the very pertinent question asked by people who are responding and trying to help???

ChloeDecker · 29/11/2019 13:21

It's a financial loss for me but I will just about manage.

Wow. You’re leading with the financial loss as opposed to the actual loss of having your 12 year old living with you?? So sad.

iMatter · 29/11/2019 13:21

Surely you need to put in a CMS claim for his child who's still living with you?

OhamIreally · 29/11/2019 13:22

That's where you went wrong- he should have been paying maintenance all these years but because you didn't make a claim it will not be possible to back date it.

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 29/11/2019 13:23

He has not paid maintenance for them for years now, because I did not go to the CMS to chase him, I was able to manage on my own

Am I being dense here? Just because you can manage doesn't mean you don't claim maintenance. Your children are entitled to that money.

Raise a CMS claim against him, hell raise one against you.

It's obvious, no? (am I missing something??)

dynami · 29/11/2019 13:24

Dies he work? Surely the maintence will cancel each other out?

Chloemol · 29/11/2019 13:24

If he is not paying maintenance for his other child, and has never paid for both you need to get cms involved now. He can’t have it both ways

Clangus00 · 29/11/2019 13:25

If you raise a claim with CMS it’ll likely balance itself out whereby neither of you pay maintenance to the other.
But really, you should’ve been claiming all the time.

Original poster
MCR77 · 29/11/2019 13:30

This is not a thread about the emotional impact of this on anyone involved.
I love my son just as much as I do my other children and they are just as entitled to be looked after.

He does work but I don't even know where. I left him when our sons were very young because he was abusive which is still going on.

OP posts:
Starlight456 · 29/11/2019 13:30

Does he work ? I think many people make the mistake of not claiming no idea why

Starlight39 · 29/11/2019 13:30

Tell him fine but of course, you will go to CMS for maintenance for the other DC plus xx years of backpayments. See what his response to that is??

Is there any way you can contact your 12 year old (a letter or visit to him at school?) and let him know you're absolutely not angry with him and that you love him and will always be there anytime he wants to see you or if he changes his mind? His Dad can't prevent him from speaking to you and you must make sure your DS knows you're there for him.

LolaSmiles · 29/11/2019 13:33

Whoever is the resident parent can claim maintenance.

If the 12 year old is living with his dad then his dad can claim.

I don't see why the rights/responsibility would be any different based on whether it's mum or dad who is the RP.

TheRightHonerable · 29/11/2019 13:37

Oh in that case OP tell him to shove it!
You have one child each living with you that makes it even and no CM should change hands. I’d also spell out to him that he owes you two years of CM and you’d like him too pay what he owes ASAP

Amber2019 · 29/11/2019 13:43

Then you claim for CM for his child that still lives with you. You may find that he has to pay more to you than you pay to him because you have 2 children in your care. Its should balance itself out.

00deed1988 · 29/11/2019 13:45

You will need to pay maintenance, however it will take into account how many children are dependent on you and lower the amount.

You then contact CMS and give them his details. Name and DOB is enough but if you have his adress that is a bonus. When we claimed from my stepsons mother (who refused point blank to contribute at all) all we gave was names and DOB. It did take about 6 months for the money to be directly taken from her benefits and was £5 a week. But he was entitled to it so why shouldn't we claim?

Put in your claim asap. Then his maintenance should hopefully cancel yours out.

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