Your first experiencing of being in a relationship once becoming a single parentv

[Mubbles]

Hi,

I started my first relationship as a single parent a year ago. My former partner is also a parent to his DD who is a year older than my little one. We are both similar ages and also work together. After a brief friendship we started dating, initially we had the usual relationship dreams of living together and starting a family together.

Recently in a time-appropriate manner, he has started to spend lots of time at my house, where I live with my DS, he is always very playful with DS but has become colder with me telling me he can't picture a future with another man's child in it. After a few months of trying to see if anything would make it better, e.g. more quality alone time etc. I have come to terms with the fact that he is just the kind of person who doesn't have it in him to accept a woman that comes with a child, so I have left this relationship.

It hurt me alot as until this point he had felt like the most compatible and kindest (to me) person I had dated, also I gave him alot of my time and love to try and make up for the times I couldn't be there for him. I also felt, that some of the things he said about men in general would chose to be with a single woman instead of a single parent regardless of what that single parent was like very hurtful, mainly because I'm thinking it might be true!

There is a whole army of people out there who I know will say focus on DS, and trust me I do, it's just me and him and I work my butt off to give him as much of myself and of life as I can! However, there is also something to be said about the joys of having a partner and I don't think those desires just suddenly go away. I'm not looking to jump into a relationship, probably won't be ready for a long while! I wondered if other single mothers could share some of their positive relationship stories and anything they did to maintain a healthy relationship and parenting balance.

First of all, throughout all the time you are going to be a single mother you will have people coming to tell you to focus on your child and put the idea of a relationship on the back burner. This is absolutely BOLLOCKS, as a single parent you are already living your life around the needs of your kid, you cannot be focussed on your child more if you wanted as you are already living your life around the needs of your kid.

Second, it is right, natural and healthy to want to have a partner, a family, company. But people tell this stupid things because they tend to assume that, because you are divorced/single with child you are not good at choosing men. Again, this is bollocks, I have seen more married women putting up with shitty behaviour from their husbands than single mums putting with such level of shit.

It is natural that you feel hurt and idealise a not so nice man after a break up, but there are better people out there. He was not as compatible or nice as you think if he was happy to start a relationship with a woman who had a kid, knowing he was going to reject the most important person in your life. It is not as if he cannot understand what it means to have a child, he has one himself, it seems to me he just doesn’t want child related restrictions on what he does or does not do now he has let his ex do most of the work of raising and caring for his own child.

There are some wonderful men out there, who are happy to accept a “ready made” child as part of who you are. Who can be a fantastic addition to your child’s life and great role models. The trick is to have your senses in alert checking for those signs.

I spoke a guy who told me that he is using the line: "I can not image my life with another mans child in it." when he actually don't like that woman enough. He said its easier to say that it is about her child than start explaining why she is not right person for him.
Men are cowards and can cover up they real reasons with hurtful lies.