Absent father

[charhall]

Hi everyone,

I'm having a really hard time with my 11 year old son. His biological dad has not seen him since he was 6weeks old. I don't even know where he lives!

We're looking to book our first holiday abroad but have been told that I need consent from all parents listed on the birth certificate. I feel like his biological father has more rights than me as I can't do anything without his permission (for example, changing his name or getting a passport) yet there are no punishments for him being absent for nearly 11 years!

Why in the eyes of the law should I need his permission for anything when he has done nothing to provide or care for our son??

I posted about this on another site as I’m in the same boat (want to plan our first holiday, ex is absent) many people said they travelled all the time and never get stopped and said to just carry the birth certificate to prove you are the mum and you will be fine! I know where ex is but haven’t spoke to him in years, I refuse to ask for his permission! I won’t be giving him the satisfaction

I just carry ds’s passport. I would happily go to court for a court order to allow my Ds to take holiday me however I can’t do that every time we go abroad . He was abusive so have no plans to contact him.

I had to get permission recently and my sons nob of an absent dad decided to be an arsehole. I ended up getting legal advice.

She told me to not worry and to travel with my DS birth certificate. Is he on your childs birth certificate?

I have travelled abroad with my DS 3 times now and been questioned twice.

But the solicitor recently told me that in theory you can only be refused travel if there is a court order in place or if they have strong reasons to suspect something isn't as it seem. She basically told me to top worrying and to not overthink anything and to go on holiday and enjoy.

If you need any advice PM me xx

Thanks everyone, yes he is on his birth certificate but luckily my passport is still in my maiden name so I have the same surname as DS.

Just worried about spending all that money and being turned away!

oh no, you will be fine then. My DS has a different surname, so makes it more obvious.

I am glad I got the legal advice as it's alot more complex that what it seems.

Enjoy your holiday, but do check the rules of where you are travelling.

The Solicitor told me to definitely make sure I carry his BC when travelling to somewhere like America. My friend took her son to Vegas last Christmas. He is 12, and his dad has been absent all his life. He has a different surname to her. He was simply asked what his relationship was to her and he answered 'she's my mom' and that was that.

From my post on the other site it was pretty much a non issue, people saying they travel all the time and have never been stopped. Most didn’t even know that you had to get the fathers permission! I think they are suppose to check you have permission but it’s not actively checked. Just make sure you carry the bc 100%

It does really depend in Florida I had to provide evidence of Ex's permission to travel, in France no one asked in fact they assumed DP was DD's Dad.

My son will be 14 next month and his so called father hasn’t seen him since he just turned 2! We have been on holiday numerous times without his consent or permission. However my son has my surname so I’ve never had a problem however I am also a social worker and know the law and also have many single parent friends and family where their children have the fathers surname and a lot of people don’t know this but as the mother (or sole parent) you can take your child on holiday for up to a month without the other parents permission as long as you carry their birth certificate to prove your the mother and have a return ticket for within a month you will be fine.

FWIW... I totally agree with you when you say you fee that the absent parent has more rights than you (surname changing etc) even though they don’t pay a penny and have never stepped up in anyway leaving you to do everything.
It’s wrong and it needs to change.

Dee1980 according to directgov what you have said is incorrect and only applies if you have a child arrangement order

You can take a child abroad for 28 days without getting permission if a child arrangement order says the child must live with you, unless a court order says you can’t.

Well as I’ve stated I have been on numerous holidays sometimes for 4 weeks and have never ever got permission or consent and most importantly never been stopped or asked.

As long as you have your child birth certificate proving you are also the parent and have a return ticket you will be fine! So many parents have no contact whatsoever with their child other parent so does that mean they would never go on holiday? Of course not and also if there no contact then the other parent will have absolutely no idea if their child been taken on holiday or not would they. In these cases common sense is what’s needed the only time it could be a problem is if there is contact with the other parent and they want to make it difficult however again as long as you have your child BC and can prove your returning there shouldn’t be any issue. 99% of people with children born after 2003 share PR if both parents are on the BC unless a specific order states that one has full PR so it will be fine.

Technically and legally you should have permission but practically hardly anyone is ever stopped so I wouldn't worry about it, especially if you share the same name.

I’m only saying what directgov says, it also says if you take your child on holiday without the other parents permission it’s child abduction, completely ridiculous really! Seems they don’t take into account that some parents are totally absent. I still think there should be something to say that if you’re absent for a certain amount of time your PR becomes invalid. Sadly that will never happen.