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Lone parents

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Original poster

Sex with ex

21 replies

almostmidnight · 17/08/2007 20:44

Oh no, I ended up sleeping with dh last night. He left back in June and jumped straight into bed with another woman. I think I only did it to see if he was willing to cheat on her but he was the one who initiated it all.

I told my best friend (who tells me to tell the other woman) and even admitted it to my mother-in-law (my second best friend who was slightly horrified). Did anyone else do this and what does it mean on his part? I am not going to beat myself up about it. Afterwards he kept saying "I bet your confused now". Not sure whether he was meaning why he would do it if in another relationship or what. He wanted me to stay until about six in the morning and would drive me home but I got a taxi home afterwards.

The thing is we are still trying to sort out money and I think he now thinks we are friends and I will see it all his way.

OP posts:

littledetails · 17/08/2007 22:21

I did the same thing. I didnt want him back as I believe if they cheat once they will do it again, so never told the woman he left me for. It was just so satisfying to know that the grass wasnt greener for him and he still wanted me. I was the other woman to the other woman if you know what I mean - I felt so smug that she didnt know and when i saw them together she made out everyting was wonderful, and I knew differnt. He was like putty in my hands after then.

liliac · 17/08/2007 22:35

I did this, my dh (we got back together 3 yrs after the split) said he would try it on with me because he still had feelings for me but at that time loved his girlfriend (the other woman) I to would sleep with him to see if he would cheat on her (again they started seeing each other within a week of the split) but really I was beating myself with a stick, lying to myself it didn't matter when really my self esteem was so low as to be on the floor especially as I was 6 months pregnant at the time of our split. I was totally screwed up for a year.
The way I see it, is they want their cake and eat it and for a man sex is nothing, yes love can and is sometimes involoved, but for a woman sex mostly has to be about love or a connection. He sounds a big head to me by saying I bet your confused now.
What are your plans to make you feel like a vital woman again? I had to say that, can you imagine I was 6 months preganant 22 and dumped by the man I was with from the age of 17 and my Gran said "What are your plans to make you feel like a vital woman again?" uh, have the baby might be my first choice Gran! You'll be ok, just keep your head held high and smile. Oh, and as for the new lady friend she deserved the retribution even if she never knows, give him a mahoosive love bite if their ever is a next time! ;)

macdoodle · 18/08/2007 10:16

Oh I do it every now and then but I have really high sex drive and really can't be arsed to find another man - also makes me feel quite smug especially when he was with OW - know I should stop really as I guess keeps making him think I might take him back

snowwonder · 18/08/2007 15:27

my ex left me for someone else 2 years ago.. and we still slept together for a few months.... i never told her ( they get married next sat and i just thought what is the point in telling her, she would see me as the silly jelious ex, which i was because i wanted him back so badly.... and thougt is i gave him the best shag ever then everything would be ok....

macdoodle · 18/08/2007 18:22

Just proves though how much better off without them we are - cheat on us cheat with us...no chance of trust or faithfulness...who wants that not me thats for bloody sure rather be alone with my rabbit

KerryMumbledore · 18/08/2007 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyTwopenceworth · 18/08/2007 18:26

"I bet you're confused now" sounds really arrogant to me. My reply to that would have been, "No, it's just sex."

As to what does it mean. It means he's a pig.

macdoodle · 18/08/2007 18:31

horny .....and stick it to OW ...and boy was it good and boy was it even better when I told her

Original poster

almostmidnight · 18/08/2007 21:17

I would have to say b. a little bit of c. and d. but definitely NOT a.

One thing I have certainly found out since he left is that I have got a lot more friends than I realised who I will try not to neglect in the future and his family are also right behind me too. Like they say, I am part of the family as I have known them all for sixteen years now. Even my brother-in-law surprised me when I found out he had told dh he didn't ever want to meet the other woman. I think it is because our dd's are still so young they are shocked at what he has done. I think dh now realises if he wants to have his cake and eat it with other woman she will never have a place in his family.

Don't know if I would sleep with him again. As I said above b. horny c. still love him and d. stick the boot in to the new girlfriend. Not sure if I would take him back either.

I think he asked if I was confused because he won't actually admit whether the relationship with other woman is serious so why is he sleeping with me also. I know one thing for sure, I shall make it as hard as possible for them to get to spend their weekends together - she lives about a three hour drive away - as husband is having to work more weekends in his new job and I told him I want him to have my dd's two weekends a month, starting next weekend - yippee can't wait.

OP posts:

liliac · 19/08/2007 00:52

Actually you know when he said "I bet your confused now" really what he was saying is I'm confused now. Even after all these years I just don't get men and the simplicity of their brain's, the lack of empathy to understand what another person is truly feeling.

snowwonder · 19/08/2007 10:11

i wouldnt do it again if i was in the same situation,, becuase it made the ex feel great that 2 women wanted him, - tosser

macdoodle · 19/08/2007 11:03

I still do it now and then (a) because I am horny (b) I really think he is unsure why I do it and does it to keep me happy cos he is worried I will just go and find someone else (he knows I have high sex drive)but actually think he feels a bit used haahahah

littledetails · 19/08/2007 11:17

e. Made me feel great that he still wanted me and she didnt know, the smug feeling that I knew he was being unfaithful to her and he still wanted me.

Only did it the once tho even though he came back for more made me feel on top and that I was incontrol, otherwise he would have felt that i still wanted him, which I certainly did not.

Tinkerbel5 · 19/08/2007 12:10

I wouldnt sleep with my ex, certainly wouldnt leave myself wide open to be used like that, revenge is a dish best serve cold and when its harder to get

macdoodle · 19/08/2007 12:45

TBH I don't feel used at all - I want sex I know he is a good shag really don't want another man at the moment....on the plus side he is unsure what I want (keeps him wondering)....he is potentially cheating on the OW (if he is with her wouldn't surprise me).....on the down side -hard to make a final break and move on - but at the mpment serves MY purpose

Tinkerbel5 · 19/08/2007 15:54

as long as it works for you, just seems a way for a bloke to have his cake and eat it, I certainly wouldnt be offering my buns for a guy to then bugger off in time for his tea

singledadofthree · 19/08/2007 20:12

my ex used to call round now and then when we first split - usually on a friday night when pissed - was just that she wanted shagging too. worked for a while and i always made sure the kids didnt know she had stayed. was rather odd hiding their mother from them, were strange days indeed

LittleBellatrixLeBoot · 19/08/2007 20:14

Oh God, the thought of it.

Not in a million years

Original poster

almostmidnight · 19/08/2007 21:40

Terrible thing is I gave him a b* job today and this was after we discussed why we had had sex the other night and wasn't he scared I was going to tell other woman. He said the thought had been at the back of his mind that I might tell her. I asked what would happen if I had. He reckoned she would finish it.

I was surprised that he initiated it again today after this but then I suppose he is happy getting it from two women. As he said himself, it was like I was the other woman to the other woman. I would probably do it again too because the way he is being so unreasonable about spending time with his dds at the moment (new thread Am I being unreasonable) I really feel like telling her as he seems to want to spend more time with her than his girls and I never ever expected that from him. I thought they meant the world to him.

OP posts:

macdoodle · 19/08/2007 22:08

I told OW but TBH she is so obsessed with him she didn't believe me believed everything he told her - and she made ME out to be demented stalker and her poor little victim grrrrr not that way at all...so just keep it smugly to yourself knowing that you are well rid and she has got herself a dud lier and cheat

mad4simon · 19/08/2007 22:14

i wouldn't sleep with my ex, i didn't like shagging him when we were together ( had my bit on the side for that) so i certainly wouldn't do it now!

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