Childcare Responsibiilty

[Andthentherewas3]

I am mum to 2 boys and have been separated from their dad for just over 3 years. We share custody, with me having them 4 nights a week and him 3 nights.

The reason for my thread is that i have recently asked him if he can pay the childcare costs for the days of the week he chooses to put the boys into childcare. I have always paid for this but have realised that the bulk of the cost is for days where they are with him. He currently pays approx £260pm maintenance and the cost of the childcare on an average month is £250. Whilst some of this cost relates to days where i have to put them in out of school club (i am lucky i get some help from family), about £200 of this cost is from days where he puts the boys in.

He seems to think that i am being unreasonable with this request as he pays maintenance and i receive Child Benefit but i can't help thinking that he should be responsible for these costs. For further clarity his job is much more flexible than mine in terms of hours and he has the choice to work from home when he wants.

Am i in the wrong for asking him to cover these costs?

No not wrong at all

not wrong at all

he should be paying for childcare on his days when he uses it

You're right to ask him but in practice a lot of NRPs don't see this as their responsibility. My ex certainly didn't when he had the children overnight and came up with some silly rule that he was only responsible for them after 6pm! Good luck in sorting it.

You have no obligation to provide childcare on days you dont have responsibility for them.

CMS does not cover childcare on their days.

Nrp dont have to pay for childcare when its not their days.

Can you ask the child care provider to
Bill him directly?

Ask them to bill your separately. On his days he is responsible, they are his days. It's not your job to pay for his childcare.

Get separate bills. My after school care provides this so it is possible. Don't ask him. Just do it and refuse to get involved with him.

Thanks all. We seem to have made a bit of headway and he is offering to pay 50/50 which I’m happy to accept. It’s still not all of his costs covered but it’ll be a massive help. And I’ll definitely be asking them to send me one bill and him anothet

Well done for getting some resolution my ex constantly refused this. So when they started school An did school hours only he was mega annoyed I didn't organise child care even demanded I collect them till he could pick them up 🤣

@mylifenow27 that is hilarious I would have loved to have seen his face!
My ex only sees DD every 9-12 weeks. He'd state that he was picking her up on a Friday and say things like "please pick her up and have her til 7pm" . I would reply: "I'm not available for childcare on that day" and send him links to babysitters. It wasn't much compared to how he's shafted me but it made me feel better.
(Before anyone says anything I adore my daughter and have built a good life for us through working my arse off and putting her first)

He is reponsible for pretty much all costs when they are in his care - even 50/50 is poor on his part - if that is for the the time he should be responsible?

Is the maintencance he pays you at the moment an informal arrangement?

Make sure he pays 50/50 of ALL childcare costs, even the days that you use them for your days.

He's being a CF. My ex tried that until I flatly refused to help him sort the childcare on his days and told the nursery to bill him directly for any days he booked with them.