Holiday contact

[mildlymiffed]

Interested to hear views. Ex partner is being quite invasive with amount of telephone contact during overseas holidays. What/how much do you think is reasonable? How do you work it when one parent takes kids on holiday?

How old are the kids? Can they phone you themselves?

I rarely phone my two when they are away with their dad. Agree to a few times a week. The same is also fair in reverse unless they are really wee in which case a daily text is fair but not enforceable. Daily phone calls are only ok if it's the child that's insisting on them if they miss the parent they're calling

An eight year old, and nine year old. So don't have their own phones.

Do you mean they are on holiday with you and he's insisting on lots of phone calls or they are on holiday with him and preventing them? ExP always asks DC to call him every night both on holiday and at home. It's really disruptive to normal bed time routine and on holiday just damn inconvenient. I just let dc call when they actually ask

Just once or twice in a week is fine. Anything more and I'd think it was very intrusive.

My ex used to call the dc every night and it was really disruptive, i spoke with my solicitor and went with her advice of between his contact 3 phone calls is plenty and he sees them eow. This works really well as the dc always have something to say and spend about 10 mins on facetime with him, i also do let the dc call him if they really want outside of these calls esp if they have got an award. The same applies for when he has them on holiday and sometimes due to reception or them having fun they dont call, it dosent bother me, its not done on purpose, and as much as i miss them they are safe and well looked after, we have forgotten to call on occassion also, it happens.

What do the kids want and what would you be comfortable with if the situation was reversed is a good starting point. People can have very different views on what is reasonable contact.

Thanks for views. He's getting annoyed if he can't speak/text daily. Kids aren't bothered either way- but seem conscious of doing what he wants "aka- daddy says I have to call or text him daily". I'm just finding it a bit much as it does interfere with flow of the day- and feel like he's calling the shots even when we're meant to be having some time on our own.

And I've been happy previously with once every three or four days- tbh, I quite enjoy having some extra down time!

(Sorry- not being very clear I realise!). I'm on holiday with kids overseas. He's insisting on what I feel is excessive contact whilst we're away. When he's been away in the past with kids, I've only requested calls every 3-4 days...

Just ignore him unless kids are begging. If it's just because daddy says so then get them to explain they were busy when they do next call. It's how I deal with it. A short phone call might seem like nothing but it can be really disruptive to have to set the time aside constantly

Just text . Kids fine . Then ignore.. you have let him know they are fine and then can get on with holiday. . If kids ask I have text dad😮

Day of arrival, day you leave. Or its not really a holiday being dc's / ex's secretary is it??
Switch your phone off op.

Can you really not find 5 minutes in your day to make a call? If he sounds controlling, you do too.
Him: could I speak to the kids once a day?
You: no, you can speak to them every 3rd day.
Him: fine. Next time you want to take them abroad don't expect me to agree.
You: in that case, I'm stopping all contact.....

That's quite a stretch @Soontobe60 I know it sounds like nothing but in a holiday situation it can be really inconvenient with time differences, limited signal in areas, different routines etc. It's not controlling to not want to end an activity or to not want to give up spontaneity on a holiday to make phone calls that the kids aren't even bothered about.... and it's never just 5 minutes

Soontobe... thanks for writing that script! It really wasn't "can I speak to them everyday?"... it's very much "I will be speaking to them everyday", and me saying "think every three days is a reasonable comprise".

The rest of the script hasn't happened!

But I love a good ending...

What I love more is a constructive ending for both me and the kids on holiday, hence asking for views.

How often does he usually physically see them? I think that plays a big factor for both him and DC if it's quite frequent. However, it's a bit of a red flag that he's insisting rather than asking, so I do suspect this could be a tactic to make life harder for you. As others have said, if the children don't seem to want to call him every day, but seem to have got the idea that they have to, it might be worth reassuring them they don't have to, they deserve to enjoy their holiday, and they can tell you anytime they want to talk to him.

Not a lone parent, but I did travel abroad without DH, but with kids quite a bit - like 4-6 weeks every summer.
We would Skype once week. Kids would sometimes ask for more often, and we'd try to facilitate. They sometimes asked me to message him, and they then read the answers.

With his work hours, time differences, and a bit of spontaneity, every day would be hard.

We don't do phone calls at all. I didn't realise that was a thing until I read about it on here a lot recently.

I love my ds more than anything, but his time with his dad is his time with his dad and vise versa. I want him to throw himself into what he's doing with the person he's with I think he would feel the absence more if he was made to call and hear my voice. Especially if you've saved up for special time away and looked forward to it, surely that's just intrusive to make their holiday with you about him not being there. Does it not effect their mood?