I am in a bit of a dilemma and just looking for some supportive opinions.
My ex sees the kids every school holiday for half of the holiday, and approx 1 weekend in every 6 or so in between (his choice). He lives approx 2 hours away.
He was abusive when we were together, and he was v manipulative with DD1 (age 12), when we left, but he used to favour DD 2 (age 10) and DD3 (age 7) because they were younger/cuter/easier to handle. He would always accuse DD1 of being a mummy's girl.
I have kept up contact for them with their dad because I believe its the right thing to do, and the girls have a right to have a relationship with him and decide if they want that to continue when they are older, I am not going to take that away from them.
Recently he has changed tactics and is v supportive of DD1, but has been mean to DD2 and DD3 (controlling behaviour, name-calling, being a twat generally, although he will have his nice days too).
They are seeing him from today for a few days, leaving this evening. DD2 and DD3 have started saying they don't want to go, however DD1 really does want to go now that he is being nice to her.
If I don't send DD2 and 3, then DD1 also refuses to go, even though she wants to see her dad she doesn't want to go without her sisters. So that would effectively mean the end of their relationship with their dad. He doesn't see or call them outside of these times.
DD2 is already saying she doesn't want to go. I've now got her a phone so she can play games and can call me and generally pass time whilst she is there, but she says she hates it there regardless of having a phone.
I do understand her point of view as he doesn't have friends except his sister and his one friend and their respective partners/kids. But anytime they are busy (which happens often), then there is nobody else and my DDs stay at home and watch tv or go to the park and that's it - he hasn't maintained any of their friendships with old friends in the area, and doesn't like people generally.
I do think its good for them to have down time and be a bit bored and have to entertain themselves, esp as we they have a lot going on in terms of activities, socialising with me.
However last time DD2 complained and didn't want to go, as soon as his car pulled up and she saw him, she was excited and raring to go.
So I guess I know what I need to do is manage her anxiety over going and then let her go and be happy there for a few days.
Parenting alone is hard with nobody to talk these things through with.