Custody of an autistic child

[Dotty60]

I have a 7 year old daughter who is autistic and me and her father have separated, I was wondering what the courts deemed a suitable split of custody. Her dad is abusive and is demanding a minimum of 50%, but i don't think this will suit her and was wondering if it is likely this could happen as i have suggested every other weekend?
Please could you share what the court deemed suitable custody split?

I didn't want to let your post go unanswered but I can only go by a friends experience. If you are at present the primary caregiver the usual starting point is every other weekend and one evening in the week. I am sure those with more relevant experience will comment soon. Do you have any abuse logged with police etc?

Hey no I dont it was mostly psychological with only a lil physical abuse. I wish I had called them. I was going to propose exactly what you said it's what he currently has, but know he is going to keep going back to court, I am worried the disruption it will cause to my daughter. She is unlikely to ever leave home and want something realistic that can be upheld long term x

No personal experience but I'd talk to a solicitor about precedents. Depending on how bad her autism is (and I assume relatively severe based on your comment about her never leaving home) that likely makes her similarly vulnerable to a young baby and the status quo there would be different for a child of her chronological age. If you're the main caregiver you're likely in a strong position but I would def get advice on this.

I agree your dd has particular issues do take legal advice . Do you have any professionals involved who will support your neliefs

Yeh she has many specialists and is working towards a diagnosis. I would say she is current similar to around 2 1/2- 3 year old. I was told by a pedeatrician she most likely would not leave home etc or maybe be in independent living at best, but then she says she doesnt have a crystal ball. I just worry and dont see how it can be in her interest to be passed around two homes when her dad gets most the quality time with her anyway. It just worries me because I dotn wana hold her back she to unnecessary stresses. Thank you for your advise. The solicitor has said 50% is unlikely but didnt say what was.

I’ve been through a very similar situation. My youngest is autistic and when ex and I went through court our son had recently been diagnosed and contact was centred on what was right for children and took into account my son’s needs completely. For example, he has always spent most of his time with me right from birth and not his dad (ex’s choice!) so long periods away from me were rejected by the judge. He thrives on routine so changing days around is also not allowed in the court order. Son goes to a special needs school and gets school transport there. He needs to be picked up from one base, they can’t be chopped and changed easily from one day or week to the next (also it’s a big part of the routine). Ex gets every other weekend and one day in the week to take the children out to tea after school.

Just to be clear, periodically ex wanted sole custody and then 50/50 depending on his mood at the time (his solicitor must have wanted to smack him sometimes) but as he failed proving to social services he is an involved parent that didn’t happen.

Make sure you get letters from everyone (specialists, paediatrician, school/nursery, anyone else) confirming your child is under their care and also what her needs are. The letter from my son’s school for example focused on how routine is important and also that my son cries sometimes because he misses mummy so much. And that’s just spending 6 hours at school away from me. Social worker collected all those up but they made their way into the report.

Good luck OP I really hope an agreement can be reached that is in your daughter’s best interests.