3 year old says she loves dad and his partner more than me

[giantwatermelon]

So my just turned 3 year old, told me in the car today that she loves her dad and his partner and doesn't love me. I don't know how to deal with this? She's made similar comments in the past such as she wants to live with her dad "for ever and ever" and it's just so hurtful.

I know she's prob too young to know how much that hurts but how do you cope with that?

She has no idea what she is saying. It’s hard not to take it personal but reply well mummy loves you very much.

Is he manipulative?
Is he putting words in her mouth?
Is he presently having to pay maintenance and now has a willing doer of wife work partner?

I mean, come on now, that doesn't really seem like an age-consistent thought process of a 3 year old.

Truly, she has no idea what she's really saying. When she says she doesn't love you, (she actually does!), just be very normal and say, "Well, I love YOU very much. You're such a lovely girl!" Respond in kind to anything else she might say.

I promise you this is just a phase. Don't take it personally because it isn't. Your daughter is barely more than a baby.

Damn... I meant to type more...

You should also tell your daughter after responding with what I said above, that her daddy and his partner also love her very much. Enforce a unified front in her mind, even if it's not necessarily true. Never, ever speak poorly about her father or his partner to her. She will only internalise that negativity.

@Aquamarine1029 she's such a baby. Is this normal behaviour? Is it coming from her or from her dad which is what I'm
Trying to figure out

My daughter used to say this to me all the time. Mummy I love daddy so much more than you! Daddy was fun, mummy was the one working all day and keeping the house together. Daddy would come home and play.
But now at 10 she’s very much a mummy’s girl.

Just reassure her that you love her very much and try to ensure you have time to listen and have hugs each day.

I wouldn't worry right now where it's coming from. What she needs from you is total, 100% love and tolerance. If this continues for much longer, you need to discuss what she's saying with her dad. As amicably as possible.

My kids at that age regularly said they loved their dad more than me! Although it killed me I used to smile and say light hearted comments like
Mummy or sweets?
The dog or ice cream?
Teddy bears or snails?
Snakes or bears?

She's only a baby really and it's good she's having positive experiences with dad. But you are her number 1 even if she doesn't fully realise it x

Oh and me and dh were together and they still said it!

When my son was 3 he said he didn't love me or daddy anymore because he only loved dinosaurs. Dinosaurs! We didn't even rate above extinct animals.

I agree that she doesn't even realise you are number one yet. I bet she wouldn't feel comfortable saying the reverse to them. Which ''proves'' that she feels she can saying anything to you. Anything often hurtful.

My Son did this around that age, it was very hurtful at the time, I followed the script, "That's a shame, I love you" I can remember how long it lasted but he never asks to see Daddy extra or anything I think a part of him was exploring whether he would provoke a reaction.

He also went through a stage a couple of years later of saying he didn't want to go to Daddy's but he's over that now.

@Aquamarine1029 who doesn't love dinosaurs though

I think it hurt so much because she absolutely adores her dad (which I support and encourage) but it just makes me feel like I'm failing at this parenting game.

He has the funds and a partner to help do lots with the kids every second wknd.

I'm scared she will eventually want to live with him when she's older which I know is pointless worrying about now but sometimes I think what if there's a day when she chooses not to come back from a wknd with her dad

3 year olds say all kind of shit. You can’t take it personally.

My 4 year old recently gave me a big hug, said he loves me a lot, then clarified that he loves me almost as much as he loves doing big stinky poos.

Honestly don’t get upset by it. I always respond with a cheerful “I love you loads”.

My step daughter used to tell us that she wanted to be at mummys and ask when she was going back continuously but it turned out she was saying exactly the same thing at her mum's. She didn't really comprehend it would hurt feelings she just missed the other parent when not with them. It doesn't mean she loves them more.

It’s hard. She just means she had a good time with him and didn’t want to leave. My dds did a bit of that too. It’s fairly normal unfortunately. She will stop and may be telling him the same thing

My three year old has said several times that she wants to go to nursery rather than spend the day with me. I asked once if she would rather be with daddy or go to nursery, which obviously got a resounding "daddy!". Anyway, I think mothers are background noise and home and taken for granted, and agree with PP that your LO doesn't know or mean what she's saying really. It seems to be a faze at this age.

Ok all these stories are making me feel so much better.

She's here cuddled up next to me in bed with a fever the poor thing. Long night ahead for us.