Dd asking about absent father.

[PumpkinP]

My daughter has recently started to ask why she doesn’t have a dad (he is absent and has been for almost 3 years) she keeps asking and I’m struggling with how to answer as I don’t want to lie but also don’t want to hurt her feelings. She keeps asking me to find a new dad! And asks random men to be her dad (my sisters male friends, male teachers at the school!) she even asked me if “Father Christmas” can be her dad because “he is a father” she keeps asking me to find her a new dad. Has anyone had this? And the best way to deal with it. How can I get her to accept that she doesn’t have one? (I should add she has autism as I think that it’s relevant)

I think your best bet is age appropriate honesty. Eg all children have dads but not everyone sees their dad. You don't see your dad because... Make it age appropriate. So I'd think worst case scenario honesty wise is he dsnt care, in which case I'd say something like because your dad has different priorities to me but don't worry as I'm here for you and love you so much. And encourage her to know that you two are a family and many children don't have another parent and it dsnt matter?

The truth that dad is in xxx place and isnt able to see her for his own reasons.maybe that when she is older she may be able to find out more.
If you need more help ask for professional input eg family or child therapist.
That not everyone has a dad at home and that s ok.
That right now it s not possible.

She’s very fixated on it, I don’t know if it’s her autism but for example I had a delivery earlier and she was asking me if the man was her new dad, when I say no I get asked if it’s her step dad then.
It’s only recently she’s been like this, before she was quite satisfied with me just saying that her dad doesn’t want to be a dad.

She's in school now and prob at an age where she notices how she's different from her peers. But she won't be the only one without a dad in their life.

It's hard to hear isn't it?

My DD is 2 and asks where her daddy is. I have only responded with that she hasn't got one but I know I should say something better than that.

He left while pregnant and has 2 other DCs which he sees regularly. How do I explain that?

You have to give age appropriate honesty.

My son asks somewhat awkward questions, I’m as honest as I can be with a four year old, obviously as he becomes older I can give more detail. He knows that his BPs couldn’t look after him and they hurt him, so he had to be looked after by a new daddy who can look after him and won’t hurt him.

@ SongLark12 I could have written that, but my little boy is only 8 months. I really don’t know how to tell him about the half-siblings. My mother is adamant I shouldn’t tell him until he’s much older.

My ex also has an older child but he doesn’t see him either, I haven’t ever met the other child and I haven’t told my children about him. I probably will tell them when they are much older so I agree with that (I don’t see the point right now.) They won’t ever see him so what’s the point really. I’m still struggling with dd accepting her dad is absent. She is desperate for me to meet someone so “she can have a dad” her words but that won’t be happening!