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Original poster

BF access to daughter

24 replies

KA1991 · 05/10/2019 21:05

My BF ex won't let him see his daughter. He has 2 monthly visits to a contact centre and he facetimes her twice a week. She has recently said that he can only now contact him once a week via facetime as she has 'other commitments' . He is extremely upset from this and wants to go down the court route to get more access. There is no legal reason he cannot see his daughter. Does anyone have any advice on where we start?

OP posts:

kitk · 05/10/2019 22:17

Bf as in boyfriend not best friend? Either way it's his battle, not yours, even if you feel personally hurt.

CallmeAngelina · 06/10/2019 07:18

Really helpful response there, kitk.

GingersAreLush · 06/10/2019 10:23

Can I ask why he sees his child at a contact centre? Is there a court order or similar in place already? If he wants to crack on with court, he should. Best place to start is with legal advice. Google family solicitors in your local area and go from there.

Original poster

KA1991 · 06/10/2019 10:44

There is no court order or anything in place. His ex just doesn't want him involved at all and to have as minimal time with her. Thank you for your response though, very helpful xx

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 06/10/2019 11:05

I would say there is far more than bf is telling you . Contact doesn’t happen in a contact centre for no reason.

aweedropofsancerre · 06/10/2019 11:07

Starlight456 agree. Think someone’s boyfriend is telling porkies

Original poster

KA1991 · 06/10/2019 12:09

He was self referred by his ex as you dont have to be refered to by solicitors or SS.

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 06/10/2019 12:21

Yes but why did he accept that?

It still doesn’t add up to me. How old is child? How far away is the child? Even in court cases there is generally unless a safeguarding issue it will move onto independent contact. Was there a break in him seeing her?

GingersAreLush · 06/10/2019 12:32

Even if you self refer to a contact centre I was lead to believe you need concrete reasons for it, not just because you fancy it or because you’re trying to push the NRP out of the picture.

aweedropofsancerre · 06/10/2019 13:02

So does he had supervised contact with his DC? It always surprises me on these threads that it’s the mans new partner going on about how unfair it is based on information from him alone. Most men would fight to see there DC and go to court to get more access. A couple of visits a month at a contact centre really?

aweedropofsancerre · 06/10/2019 13:03

As for where do ‘we’ start. It’s for him to get on with it. Usually you start with mediation before progressing to court. Tell him to go and see a solicitor it’s really not that difficult to get information on how to proceed. Event he staff at the contact centre can provide information on how to proceed

refusetobeasheep · 06/10/2019 13:23

He needs to go to court. Assuming there is nothing lurking he has not told you about, at court he will be able to get more access and get it clearly spelt out so there is no room for doubt. He can do this with or without a solicitor. But he may as well take advantage of the free 30 mins advice a lot of solicitors give first. just go to law society web site and search for family lawyer in your area.

Original poster

KA1991 · 06/10/2019 14:26

He actually set up the contact centre himself as his ex refused to see him otherwise so he hasn't had any choice but to go down the contact centre route. He lives roughly an hour away as well. I've since read into it and a written letter to the other parent drafted by a solicitor is recommended first, then mediation so I'll suggest that to him.

OP posts:

Graphista · 06/10/2019 14:59

Let me guess

You've been seeing him less than a year probably less than 6 months

You've probably met few if any of his friends and family

This post is based on basically information he alone has provided and you have ZERO proof there's not a damn good reason he can only see his kids in a contact centre (this is very very rarely the case unless there are SERIOUS legal reasons usually involving pretty horrific levels of abuse by the non resident parent directly towards the child/ren. Even hospitalising the resident parent/almost killing them/repeatedly raping them is not very often seen as a good enough reason for supervised contact - which is what this is.)

Do YOU have DC op? Because if so until you have verifiable proof that this man has not abused his daughter DO NOT let him anywhere near your kids!

Why you would even want to be with someone who has very likely abused his child I don't understand.

readitandwept · 06/10/2019 16:48

What would these devoted fathers do without their girlfriends opening Mumsnet accounts to get advice on contact for them, I wonder??

kitk · 06/10/2019 16:54

@CallmeAngelina I think I rather in eloquently was suggesting what others have gone on to suggest- that there's more to this (there is) and actually whatever happens from here on in has to be instigated by him. All OP can do is support her bf if she chooses to do so

Starlight456 · 06/10/2019 16:58

@readitandwept 🤣. Your post made me laugh . Obviously the answer is tell as many people as possible that it’s all the ex’s fault and then do nothing .

NorthernSpirit · 06/10/2019 17:49

He needs to get the C100 (I think is the form) and apply to the court for child contact. It costs £215 and he can represent himself.

The mother will have to provide a very strong argument as to why the father shouldn’t see / have contact with his own child.

NorthernSpirit · 06/10/2019 17:50

I would post on the step parent board (rather than the lone parent board).

readitandwept · 06/10/2019 17:52

@NorthernSpirit Why? It's in no way a step parenting issue.

Teddybear45 · 06/10/2019 17:53

If I were you I’d be asking the ex privately why he has supervised contact and if there’s anything you need to worry about. Protect yourself. I have never seen this kind of contact unless domestic violence is involved.

firelightbright · 06/10/2019 17:56

Start with mediation first.

Chucklecheeks1 · 12/10/2019 07:38

Op who is paying for the contact centre?

CocoKoko123 · 12/10/2019 08:07

OP there may or may not be more to the story. Others are correct that supervised contact would not be insisted upon by Cafcass/court unless there were other issues and I would always have agreed it is worrying if a man is only having supervised access to his child and that you should be wary.However, having supported someone going through the process of sorting proper access to their child recently in which the mother refused any access and self referred to a contact centre for supervised access on no grounds other than to be obstructive I can say that the previous poster is correct that self referrals can happen even if supervised access is completely unwarranted and there are no safeguarding concerns. In this instance it was all sorted via court and proper access granted. I would advise your bf to get half an hour free legal advice and then he needs to follow through with mediation and applying to court to ensure moving forwards he gets proper access. He can self represent to keep costs down.hth

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