DNA tests and court

[lifeisalwaysstrange]

Hoping this is the right place to post, this will be long but i would appreciate any advice

I was in a relationship which lasted 2 years We split as i couldn't deal with his childish behaviour ( would ignore me for days if i didn't do what he wanted sulk had to be right ect) not long after we split i had a short relationship with someone i used to work with this lasted a few months before we both agreed to split.

The day it ended my ex got back in contact wanting to collect some stuff he had left in the house and i agreed he could come round and collect he then asked if we could talk about trying again. I stupidly agreed.

That night he came over for takeaway and a movie and talked me in to sleeping with him ( this happened a lot in the relationship he would ask and sulk till i gave in)

Anyway i found i was pregnant my ex assumed he was the dad but the dates ect mean it could of been his or the man i used to work with. I was up front with my ex and said there was a small chance he wasnt the dad but he brushed it of saying he was.

We split for good a month later

He has seen my dd a had full of times and is on the birth certificate she is now 1yr old but he is a rubbish dad is very rough with her looses his temper easy has never paid maintenance never taken her out and never stays more then an hour.

He asked if we could get back together i refused. He has now sent me a letter saying he will take me to court for contact and to have her over night. He is doing it to get to me i know.

Should i go along with it and hope for the best or should i first make sure he is her father? Would he still get contact if he isnt?

You are already in the wrong putting him on b/ c.

Yes he should do a dna test .IF he is the dad you can go to cms for maintenance. Contact ask him to go to mediation as at this point I don’t see a reason to stop contact . Would he actually take you to court ?

yes i know i should of insisted on a DNA before putting him on the birth certificate but he refused to do one and sadly i let myself be talked in to letting him go on it.

he is still refusing the DNA test sadly its al about control with him so yes he probably would go to court.

iv never stopped contact iv text him daily to let him know how she is but he never replies

the only time he has seen her is when he is single and wanting to get back together. he comes over spends 30min sat there does nothing with her asks me to restart the relationship i refuse he sits sulking then leaves.

the only thing that would worry me is if court ordered he can take her out, how he would be with her.

Google "coercive control". He isn't interested in your child, rather in controlling and possessing you.

Are you eligible for legal aid? Google the income/asset requirements and see if you are. Then you will be in a better position to plan your next steps. If you arent eligible, there are now many litigants in person and so judges are used to accommodating them. You can do it yourself if you need to.

I hope for your and your child's sakes that this man is not the father. You could have the "out" so many women wish for. Good luck.

Then stop the daily messages.

At this point I would message say to him you are s he is aware unsure if he is the dad and will move forward with contact once he has had a dna test.

This means you are not withholding contact but simply puts the ball in his court.

If he isn’t interested in the child anyway ( my ex only used contact with my Ds to get to me ) then don’t bother.

I learnt the hard way that you can’t make anyone be the parent they should be.

Does the other man know he is a potential father? Maybe he could do dna then at least you would know

The daily messages were his idea if i miss a day i get abuse and silly comments from him but i think your right i need to stop them

Iv offered him DNA tests a few times but he has always refused I think i do need to insist at this point

The other man was contacted when i first found out but i never heard back from him i only have his email. I don’t work with him anymore we got back in contact as i own a business and he wanted some advice.

Would any one know what would happen if he refuses a test and wants to do mediation or court? can i refuse until a test is done?

Actually your comment about the abuse are very familiar . I used to send weekly photos of Ds. No comment ever not even s thanks , see, hasn’t he grown. So I stopped and then I was in the wrong.

I would see if you can get a free 30 minute consultation with a solicitor but that is why I suggested you email and say no contact until dna in order to prevent confusing your Dd. Do include he as he is aware so he can’t deny it in the future.

unfortunately he is still refusing a DNA test.

hasn't asked to see her has just said that him telling me he is willing to sit and talk counts as trying to arrange mediation so he will now be applying to court.

guess i wil just have to wait and see

Get a CMS claim put in for maintenance. He either pays up in full on time, or he denies paternity so they'll request a dna sample.

iv never stopped contact iv text him daily to let him know how she is but he never replies

the only time he has seen her is when he is single and wanting to get back together. he comes over spends 30min sat there does nothing with her asks me to restart the relationship i refuse he sits sulking then leaves

Why on earth are you texting him daily and giving him the power to ignore you, just stop. Stop all contact with him, don't allow him to come and 'see' your child, he's not interested in her wellbeing, he's using your child to get to you. You are not doing anything wrong by cutting him out, he will tell you that you're a disgrace for doing this but you really aren't. When he starts the gaslighting, come back here and we'll support you.

The daily messages were his idea if i miss a day i get abuse and silly comments from him but i think your right i need to stop them

Block him and tell him you'll report him if he keeps it up. How dare he.

Iv offered him DNA tests a few times but he has always refused I think i do need to insist at this point

The reason he doesn't want to do the DNA is because he knows there's a chance he's not the father and he possibly won't be able to abuse and control you any more. Find your strength OP and get this arsehole out of your lives.

He is abusing you and your daughter and you are wondering if you should just let him have unfettered access to your child so you can have an easy life?

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

It's your job to protect your child from abusers. Not cave in because it's too much effort.

Its not about giving him access for an easy life its that i wont have a choice as he is on the birth certificate theres no way i can stop him seeing her if it is court ordered.

He applied to mediation which i refused as i see no point in it and its now going to court. I also have to have a phone call from cafcass the say after.

I think I would be pushing for that DNA test, because there is a chance he is not the father. The longer he is acting legal father, the harder it will be to remove them if not the father and he is trying to be hard work for the sake of it. Can you ask the other potential to do a test at all? Even if that means informally agreeing never to go for child support. I'd get legal advice asap and I'd agree to mediation as a way to slow things down, address the paternity issues.

Went to court and he never turned up, contacted me a day later and said he would do a DNA test as long as it was one he got and i paid for, i agrees to do this. It also had to be done at my house so he could make sure i didn't mess it up on purpose, again i said all fine.

Test results came back and he is not the father.

This was end of December and have not heard any thing from him since.

I cant afford the DNA test that the court will accept to remove him from the certificate so hoping he wont cause any trouble whilst i save towards it. Then i have to get him to agree to it.

Sorry about any spelling and lack of grammar DD isn’t well and trying to type on my phone.