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I need help re health visitor

12 replies

Joloupic2019 · 03/10/2019 14:36

Sit tight folks this is going to be a long one but I need to provide the back story.
So I was in a dv relationship for 6 years from which I have 2 amazing daughters.

I relocated to get away and I have had nothing hurt problems since, I left my job where I was a deputy manager and a designated safeguarding officer so I have a lot of knowledge when it comes to children.

Fast forward to now my health visitor is horrendous, my child was suspected to have craniosynostis and I was new to my area so initiated contact with the health visitor, ever since I have been harassed and felt my parenting is scrutinised to the point I feel bullied.
My health visitor had a visit booked one day i had had an awful night with baby teething and full of a cold and felt under the weather myself so I message hv to cancel and told I wasn't well.
She turned up anyway and I said I did send you a message to cancel, she was nice as pie and said no problem

2 weeks after I received a knock on the door unfortunately I was in the toilet and my partner answered the door, it was 2 health visitors who I'd never met. Gave my partner the 3rd degree who are you etc we are here to do a welfare visit. I was mortified, they said no one has seen me so they were worried. The same week I had been to the hospital and the doctors about my daughters head the surgery which I may add is where the health visitor is based and will have had knowledge of this. I'd been to the park with the children been to a playgroup and to see my partner. So the information was inaccurate I also stated if it was my usual health visitor she would of known full well who my partner was. I phoned to complain that the visit wasn't warrented and the terms welfare check were offensive, my children aren't subject to any orders or social services involememt, long story short I told them I no longer require the services except the legalised development checks. She tried to argue with me it's compulsory for me to see her which I said no I'm a juraery nurse I know full well that's not the case.
I've not heard a thing since.
Yesterday I had a phone call from the police to do with ingoing proceedings against the children's father. I left the room to take the call as I couldn't hear over my children, in that time my daughter had climbed up the windowsill and fell off.
She was perfectly fine just had a little red mark on her head.
She ate her tea had a bath and was perfectly fine, her bedtime was nearing and I called the doctors to ask if I was on to let her go to sleep after a bump, instead of advising me that that was on which they should of they told me to take her to a and e. I never go to a and e less absolutely needed, the. An hour later I got a phone call from the doctors checking I had taken her and threatened me that is I didn't I wasn't safeguarding her. As a mother I thought well it's dark and freezing cold and she's already poorly with a cold so the sensible thing would be to keep her home if they told me what to look out for and any of that happened of course I'd take her straight away. The receptionist in a and e said it's ridiculous she was fine and they were trying to intimidate me. She made me aware if they have a hospital admission a form gets sent to the health visitor, so now I know they were bullying me as that would allow them to visit again etc.
I feel as though they are making me appear as a neurotic mother, I knew my daughter was fine and had to turn up to a and e because they threatened me. I think it's being done in an attempt for the health visitor to use against my metal health.
Today I've noticed my daughter has a lump in her neck and it's not tiny either so of course I want to take her to the doctor's first thing bg tomorrow but I'm terrified now what will come of it. What do I do? Someone help please

OP posts:
justilou1 · 03/10/2019 14:43

Is it possible that their father and this health visitor know each other?

LIZS · 03/10/2019 14:52

Were they aware you had a new partner? How old are your dc?

Joloupic2019 · 03/10/2019 15:05

Yes they are aware of new partner and the children's father lives in England we are Wales so that's isn't possible children are 1 and 3

OP posts:
LIZS · 03/10/2019 15:30

No disrespect but if you moved on so recently from one abusive relationship it would raise concerns about another, especially if there were accidents or suddenly cancelled/missed appointments.

LonginesPrime · 03/10/2019 16:11

I don't think the GP would conspire against you and go through such convoluted means just to do a welfare check - if they have child welfare concerns they're obliged to act on them, not 'invent' a reason to get you back onto the HV's books.

It sounds more likely that the GP told you to go to A&E as a precaution to cover their own back in case your DD was injured. It's better to be safe than sorry, and if you're concerned enough to call a doctor about a head injury, it makes sense that the doctor might want it checked out.

I can see why you'd be looking over your shoulder after fleeing your previous abusive relationship but from what you've said, it sounds like you're crediting the HVs and GP with motives that say more about your own confidence as a mother.

But if you genuinely think that they're out to get you, could you not just change GP surgeries?

PEkithelp · 03/10/2019 16:21

Unfortunately seen this so many times. It becomes a spiral of intrusion and intervention. To act as devil’s advocate, some women leaving DA are more vulnerable and prayed upon by men or just struggling with their mental health. However, my experience is that it’s very common for HV and safeguarding to be inappropriately applied (too little or too much). It’s subjective.

Starlight456 · 03/10/2019 21:56

With respect and I left an abusive relationship from my ds’s dad when he was 6 months old.

You are vulnerable and whilst you may know safeguarding it is very different to living it.

Have you done the freedom program , it helped me understand whilst none of it was my fault . I did have a pattern of picking controlling men .

If you have a one year old it really isn’t long from when you fled ex to a partner who is so comfortable in your home opens the door.

Joloupic2019 · 04/10/2019 12:39

Wow so judgey I left my ex whilst pregnant everything I have done was to protect my kids. My new partner I have known for 6 years, so I know he's decent

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 04/10/2019 12:44

to a partner who is so comfortable in your home opens the door

What a ridiculous statement. I’d open anyone’s front door if someone knocked while they were in the bathroom

But I guess this is MN where most people require notice in writing before opening s front door.

IncrediblySadToo · 04/10/2019 12:47

joupic

It all sounds quite stressful. I’m not sure what the system is in Wales, but I’d refuse any more HV visits and send a signed for letter to the authority over the HV.

Joloupic2019 · 04/10/2019 13:13

Thank you, I have complained over the phone but a written chronological letter of complaint was my next planned step

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 04/10/2019 23:51

Just don’t see them again. Some people don’t realise how bad hv can be. When I had my ds it was a few days before my dds birthday. I was contacted by the hv who demanded to see my son on what fell on my dds birthday (and my son being 10 days old) she said she absolutely had to see him on day 10 and if I didn’t allow it she would call SS on me. I told her it was dds birthday that day and we had plans and that I would do any other day but she point blank refused and said I was the one being difficult, and I was “refusing to allow her to see the baby” in the end I had to agree to it and she sat in my house for 2 hours on dds birthday, as I didn’t want her
Reporting me and I have never had previous ss involvement so it was totally uncalled for. Some has are extremely over the top and I would refuse all hv visits if I was you. I personally would never see one again.

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