AIBU to ask for the recommended child maintenance amount?

[Wilkiemini]

Hello,

I split from my children’s father a year ago after 17 years together

The children are almost 10 years old and 11 years old.

I contacted a charity who support single parents with financial advice etc and they calculated based on what he earns he needs to pay a minimum of £590 per month

This seemed reasonable and helps me enormously as I work 30 hours a weeks but still have to claim UC to help with rent etc since he left and although he wasn’t happy he was paying this amount so it’s paid as an informal agreement.

Then out of the blue in August this year he decided to drop the payment to £500 I disagreed but he did it anyway :(

I struggle as it is so should I now go through CSA to get a proper legal agreement in place because I’m scared he’s going to drop it again whenever he wants? And also he’s asking to take the children on holiday abroad, is constantly signing them up for expensive running races and has just signed up the eldest to a swimming team which is also very expensive!

Am I being unreasonable in saying he should be paying the maintenance before all this other stuff?

He is shite with money but he’s earns s very good wage at least four times what I get each month.

If I go through the CSA will he be able to pay less? Or can he refuse to pay as he is saying that I have set this figure (which I have not it was done through the charity using a CSA guide based on what he earns this would be the minimum payment)

Help?
🙏

Only cms will know as they will work out how much he pays and how often he sees the kids and base it on that.
Personally I think £500 is loads but then that’s because my ex doesn’t pay a penny.

Based on what he earns it’s prob mote than £590 but I’m happy with that amount he’s just being tight!

More not mote

The amount you quote seems a lot, mine was a high earner and through the CMS I seem to recall it being calculated at around £425 a month for 2 children.

I’d start by checking direct with CMS if the figure the charity has given you is correct and go from there.
Then I’d examine my feelings about the extras he is paying for. Does it upset you that he is the one providing all the glittery stuff? Or do you not have enough to adequately feed and clothe the DC because he has reduced the maintenance? Because these are 2 different things. Do the kids enjoy the things he signs them up for? Is he the one taking them to them or is he expecting you to do all the running around? You may need a general discussion about what roles and expectations. Would he do that? Can you sit down together and talk about what extra curricular activities the DC want to do and agree on those plus who will pay?

I think there’s lots of underlying issues not just the maintenance one

Go through cms. He can drop your payment on a whim at the moment. And tell him If he chose to sign dc up to things then he needs to pay from his pocket, not your allowance.
Stand up tall and tell him to sort himself out

It depends on what he earns and how often he has them overnight OP?

He has them once a week overnight, and every other weekend

I pay for all the clubs, he pays for sea scouts because I refused to! He has just started doing two school runs in the last week but has already asked to change the dates over the next month so i’ll end up doing most of it as usual.

When he’s not in the country which is often I am expected to have the kids and let him swap to different dates.

Maintenance- I have been told it’s 16% off his gross income which is definitely more than the £590 (monthly for two children) but as I said I’m not after more I just don’t want him to drop it when he feels like it!

We do not speak because he treated me very poorly before we split a year ago and I’m still working on getting myself straight

I have a lot of hate for him...I can’t see that changing any time soon and I’ve tried to forgive and forget but it’s still very raw :(