EX affair and new woman involvement

[notjustamother]

Hi this is a long story so bear with me,

EX left and moved in with a mum from school a few weeks later. He introduced all the kids and they had been staying there on the fact he said it was platonic and he was lodging there. Anyway it's all obviously come out it's not, there was an affair, school mum kicked him out and all was well kids back to seeing just dad at his parents house. Now however a few days on they are working things out however I don't want the kids involved. Is it reasonable to still expect him to see the kids here (while I go out of course) or at his mums and not involve them in his mess until they are more settled and secure and it is def looking to be a long term thing and not a rebound. We have children in the same class so I am worried this will get messy and effect them - well it already has but trying to minimise damage as much as possible as son is already struggling.

Unfortunately ex can do what he wants. You'd be able to act if school mum wasn't allowed to be in the company of children but unfortunately it's up to your ex to think with his brains rather than his dick.

I don't think there's much chance of that happening, he's already cheated on this woman not just with me (crossover) but with one other I know of too. I guess I'll just have to try and deal with it and help support the kids as best I can as it's been 3 months and they are trying to come to terms with the fact dads left let alone gone to live with a school friend.

Perfectly reasonable of you but you can't make him unfortunately

OP I sympathise. DD gets introduced to all of daddy's girlfriends, their kids become her step siblings and then they all disappear into thin air. I think it's very hard on her and not a good way for her to be treated/ see others being treated but we can't control what happens when kids with them- we just have to model good behaviour and provide a safe space for when they're with us x

Is there someone you are both close too that would sit him down to advise that this is the best approach? Coming from you it might be inflammatory (although you are right).

School have met with him, they are concerned about eldests well being that just seemed to spur this all on more. He says the kids are fine and enjoy going there which they do but I think eldest is questioning things a lot more and trying to come to terms with it all.

People are absolutely right you can’t make him
However you are also absolutely right your children should not be dragged through this mess.

I would ask him to continue to have them at his parents house, this is awful for the kids.

Also hard on her kids . These two seem to put very little thought into any of the children

They have broken up again and got back together since my last post and ex has told me some things when apart from her I am not very happy with. I have insisted on him having them at his parents atm and it sounds awful but I have some texts he sent me that he doesn't want me to show new gf so if he tries to take them there I think I might threaten to show them to her as a last resort. I would never normally do something like that but all these poor kids have seen him come and go (and full on pack his stuff up) 3 times now and and she had an ex back for the night to get back at him the first time so gawd knows what her poor kids are thinking hopefully they haven't witnessed that and they weren't there that night. School called today and said to come and collect eldest as needed some mummy time - been saying they feel unwell all week but physically is fine. I really think they are suffering with anxiety which is bringing on the sick feeling as I suffer to and recognise the things they are saying, they also get upset to leave the house etc sometimes. I feel like I'm failing them because despite my best interests I can't protect them from their dad, he just really isn't thinking straight and I really thought I had got through to him last time they broke up and we spoke however he then tried to sort things with me and I had to make it clear I wasn't interested and he then went back with her the next day. He seems to turn into a completely different person around her.