Does it get any easier?

[maria1947]

Feeling sorry for myself at the moment and struggling, most of the time I try to look on things positively and now things will get easier but wondered if any others felt like this? Separated a year ago after husband decided he didn't love me and was seeing someone.

Had to cut down hours at work as I worked shifts and only part time, finding it hard to find full time hours that fits in with daughter who is 12. Claiming benefits to top up earnings and am really grateful I can do this, but in debt as I private rent and can't get a cheaper rent as I've now got a bad credit score and am a lone parent on benefits!!

Trying every day to find a full time job but it's hard as I've always worked as a carer and the long hours make it difficult, other employers wouldn't take me without experience, so I'm know an agency carer but I can only work early shifts as lates finish at 8pm.

I'm
Stuggling to pay rent and eat at times and due to needing to prove that husband has moved out as he was on joint tenancy I didn't get much towards rent which led to me getting behind on my electric and water. I've got the amount I was supposed to towards rent now and am making payments, have to call each month and get hassled as to why I can't pay arrears and why I can't find full time hours, gets me down.

Husband has left country to live with woman he was seeing for 6 months and wants to marry, had basically made it all my fault however he was not a good dad or husband and always put himself first so I'm not sorry he has left..
I am however so angry that he didn't bother to see daughter before he moved, he was dismissive of her when he did see her, and she was in tears a lot as he would tell her he was to busy for her. She has had a lot of emotional problems and were working through and she is improving.

He has no contact and has blocked her when she told him how she felt about the way he was to her, I feel so sorry for her and angry that she had been just dumped like this!

He does not of course pay anything towards her and his attitude has always been that his money his own. He said I wouldn't get far without him and he's done so much for him before he left.

The way he treated us really messed with my head, it was like he was enjoying the games and seeing me distressed with the things he said. Stupid but I think he'd enjoy the fact that I'm now struggling. He made out to his family that I was hassling him when I just wanted him to leave by that point and was blocked from communicating with him and his family.

My family have supported me, and are glad we've separated and that they knew he was controlling so that's a big help.

Just hope it gets easier in time, I miss being able to work full time as I need more than the part time job o have financially!! Feel judged all the time and fed up.. the immediate thing people say when they find out your a lone parent is oh you get benefits! But I'd rather work as it's not enough to live on and not easy!!

I know it's the same for other people, hoping there are some success stories and at least I know I'm doing the best I can for daughter.

Sorry for rambling, just under so much stress and felt good to get it all down!!

I just feel trapped at the moment, family has moved away so I haven't got help with childcare, a friend can occasionally look after daughter so I can work, but there is no childcare for the work I'm in, where shifts are 8-2,2-8pm, so I don't get enough work. Can't seem to find hours that will work for me and daughter and feel I'm letting her down, we do struggle.. looked into retraining but there doesn't seem to be anything. I have nvq 2 in care and have always been a carer.

Can you look into being a personal assistant for a disabled person- that's usually 9-5ish hours and is mostly caring, helping with life admin etc.

I can't promise it'll get easier straight away but I've found single parenthood is a game of highs and lows. You have to tell yourself it won't always be like this. And DD is better off without your ex. She will realise that in time x

You are doing a great job. And I am sure in time things will be less stressful for you.

Have you looked into supporting people at college. They run courses for people to learn life skills.

Or shifts at the hospital. They are always crying out for health care assistance. Which is 8-8 shift. But do three long days a week and that is full time.

Good luck.

At least your daughter is 12 so she can cope a few hours on her own if need be and you can leave out a snack and she can let herself in a few nights a week.

i am in the depths of despair. i am the solo mather of 3 teenagers, a girl and twins, and they all hate each other and me. they have no respect for themselves, each other or me. i have been hit, pushed, spat at, insulted, ignored. i was a terrible mother, i guess, but i always loved them. but i was Alone, no family, no help, losing all my material safety. my stress broke out on them and i remember screaming and throwing things. and also loving a lot. it's too late. one has gone to live with his father after repeatedly hitting me. the other just hates me. the last twin never leaves his room except to insult me. my house is filthy and no-one cares but me. i love life but dont see much hope of ever getting over the fact that i am a disaster and ruined 3 beautiful children i was lucky enough to have. i have said that i hate them and that they destroyed my life, and thats also true. i wish i had the courage to just die