new single (young) mum

[mumt0be]

Currently pregnant with my first baby, at 19. The father was supposed to be involved but has since left (being very rocky on what his involvement will be with baby too - adding to all the stress). Due to my age all but one friend has also disappeared, as being friends with a young mum doesn't fit into their lifestyles (despite all being excited when first told). I'm cripplingly lonely going through this pregnancy with just my mum, sister and friend by my side and really struggling to make new friends. Work colleagues will all be friendly at work but don't seem to be interested in a friendship outside of work, I've had to defer from my uni for a year due to the pregnancy, and every antenatal group I've been to so far I've been judged by the other mums as they're all older and have made it clear they look down on my situation. I'm really struggling and need advice on how to make friends with people so that I can have some respite from all the stress in my life currently which is starting to affect my relationship with the baby (going through periods of resenting what my life is becoming due to the pregnancy)

Where are you based OP?

One of the reasons I didn't bother with antenatal classes us because they are full of cliquey judgemental married mums...

@mumt0be antenatal groups can be good but can be the opposite as I found. Firstly Hun you will be an amazing mum with or without older friends it can be times when you realise who your true friends actually are. I was 18 when I was pregnant with my first and had very simular (was at college at the time) is it that you want someone there to talk to mainly ? Which area are you ?

Ah that sounds hard, OP.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. How far along are you? I think it'll be easier to make friends once your baby is born. There are quite a few different groups for mums and babies (playgroups, swimming etc) so search around until you find some nice non-judgey mums.

Ignore the judgemental people. Hold your head high and smile. I know that’s easier said than done, but you have no reason to feel any less valid than them.

Could your midwife recommend any other groups? I’m older than you but when I was pregnant I did notice there was a special group for younger mums. It’s worth asking.

I also used a pregnancy forum and it was nice to chat there. I know it’s not the same as real life, but it was friendly and fun.

Perhaps you could also look for some general (ie not ante natal) groups near you if you feel up to it. Something that interests you where you can meet like-minded people. Book clubs? Films? Fun Adult Education classes?

I am older than you but look young and know many people thought I was a teenage/early 20s single mum. My approach was to just go to everything I wanted to and never actually mention that I was single unless directly asked, at which point I wouldn’t give any real information. Once I made friends I of course shared a little more but mostly I don’t think it’s relevant or anybody else’s business. My mum came with me to the antenatal course and that was great too. Honestly though you’ll find you don’t really make friends until the baby is here and then only if you go to groups regularly. I felt like I didn’t have any friends during my pregnancy too, but now my little one is 7 months old and I have a small group of mom friends. You’ll get that too in time i’m sure. You could also look into mom groups based around your uni as you might find some other student parents there.

I've been in a similar position to you op, although 20 when I fell pregnant. I too had no real friends throughout pregnancy and felt really lonely and had to defer uni so I know how you feel.

It will get better promise me. I still went to uni the year after and have been helped a lot financially, able to have a nice place and run a car etc and still have extra money. Friends is still a bit of an issue for me but I'm fairly shy so if it wasn't for that, and putting yourself out more once the baby arrives, I'm sure it will be fine.

Feel free to pm if you have any questions about uni as I'm currently studying in a similar position to yourself x