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Sons dad being very unreasonable about having him and paying nothing

2 replies

Imtootired · 21/09/2019 14:43

I have a 10 yo son. I’ve been separated from his dad since he was a baby and things were ok for a while and my son would go to his dads for most of the weekend. I worked every Saturday so would drop him off Friday afternoon or Saturday morning and get him sometime on the Sunday. We were flexible with each other and it worked out well. We got back together briefly at the start of this year and I’m 29 weeks pregnant now. He’s very bitter about the breakup. I have to work out someone to get my son from school while I try to rush between work and study. It’s the last semester of my degree and want to finish before baby comes and also work as much as I can as it affects my maternity leave pay. I’ve asked nicely if he could do any afternoons lots of times but he works and even if he’s not working he just doesn’t want to do anything for me. He’s started to become very fixated on weekends being “his time” with son, but never actually takes him to do anything. He often sleeps till midday leaving my son playing games with no breakfast. My son asked me to go swimming this weekend so I messaged him and said I’ll be bringing him Saturday afternoon and ex was messaging my mum getting really worked up about it. He also doesn’t pay any maintenance because he gets cash. I have asked so many times for him to pay but that seems to be what he wants. I haven’t reported him for it yet because I don’t want to escalate things but the situation is so unfair and one sided. He gets all the relaxing time and none of the responsibilities. I think I need to bring this to mediation and have an outsider look at the situation. I’m actually just worried he will completely lose it and my son does love him and I don’t want things to get worse. It’s just quite ridiculous that he thinks that it’s fair he should have son all weekend every weekend, doesn’t help with any school pickups and doesn’t give any financial support. He’s also being boarder line abusive to my mum in text messages, getting so worked up, when she’s helped him so much over the years. I think if I do go the official mediation route I’ll tell him beforehand and say I think it’s the best thing for everyone. Anyone been through similar or have advice?

OP posts:
Shouldbedoing · 21/09/2019 15:33

With an idiot like that you do need to go the official route but don't expect to see much maintenance. It would make contact time more predictable.

Imtootired · 21/09/2019 16:29

Thank you. Yes I don’t have much hope of actually getting anything from him. I was kind of hoping to avoid having to do anything officially but I really can’t end up with anything worse than I’ve got at the moment where I’m doing all the run around and getting no time to relax with son or support. I was just a little bit worried he might then try to bring the new baby into it but he’s not born yet and I’ll be breastfeeding anyway. I’m actually being very reasonable and accomodating with arraignments and I’d be happy for him to have the baby for an hour or so once or twice a week but when he’s being so horrible and nasty to me it’s hard to keep things on a good track.

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