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Original poster

Court order help

8 replies

laney15 · 19/09/2019 17:51

So i went to court in june and order was made but the ex keeps asking for extra as the order states in the future extra arrangements can be made between parties, he has ds twice a week as the order states, but now hes demanding overnights, and asking for extra as he books days off work. We have already worked round his work to arrange the order. When i refuse what he asks i get abused verbally again. We meet in a public place due to dv we have a contact book and an email to speak through. I unblock him from whatsapp when he has ds so he can contact me in an emergency but this is when he gets nasty. He also asks me what im getting for bdays christmas, says things like im taking him.pumpkin picked will you carve it! Ive told him to stop messaging me. I have told him he should have asked in court for all that he wanted so it can be written in the order not the basic then ask me. I dont know what to do im sick of fighting it seems he wants more and more. This man never bothered when ds was a baby and now he wants to pretend hes the best dad in the world 😟

OP posts:
R2MA · 22/09/2019 22:16

I feel your pain I have very similar with Ex. I’ve decided the only way to deal with it is to ignore him! My CO states that phone/text/WhatsApp can only be used in an emergency and we had to define that as medical because otherwise he would interpret to suit. If I do reply to emails I take 24hrs and only tackle the parts which relate to kids, the rest I ignore.
Keep the communications just in case you need evidence in future for a non molestation order (my Solicitors advice). Sending 🤗

Starlight456 · 22/09/2019 22:21

Just ignore everything he says unless it is relating to your dd during contact. Any response keeps it going . Handover bye dd , kiss cuddle . Hand bag over or give to dd. Depending on age and wave cheerfully and walk off.

chickenyhead · 22/09/2019 22:23

Oh god, he is still treating you as a possession.

I think you need to stonewall him. Answer only essential questions. Ignore everything non essential.

When answering be as unemotional as possible and use minimal words.

Tell him any variance of the court order he will need to apply to the court. Repeat as needed.

Do not get in to discussions with him, this is what he wants, attention.

You both need to stick to the order. Once you have enough evidence of him trying to breach it, you can get a non molestation order.

SD1978 · 22/09/2019 23:10

Can you take the order back to court, on grounds of his behaviour? Make it solid, instead of open ended? How old is the child, and when are overnight stays supposed to commence? When they do, what is the timeframe he will have the child? Maybe this needs to be stated now and then not revisited?

Original poster
laney15 · 22/09/2019 23:43

Thanks for the advice. I dont answer him anymore. Like today hes sent me a message to say ds has had a sloppy poo 🤔🤔🤔 why do i need to know that? Then has asked me again for the probably 5th time what size clothes ds is in. Why doesnt he just look in the clothes he has on?? Ive ignored these messages. Ds is 21 months old. Overnights hasnt been stated in the order all thats said is ex has him on his 2nd and 3rd day off. From.10-4 we meet in a public place. The end of the order says any other access in the future to be discussed between parties. Hes broke the order by coming at 5 once saying he thought it was ok. Then he turned up at my house to give ds a toy he had only seen him 2 hours before. One of my friends said hes a token dad, all about the show. When i say he cant have him he says its my right! Our son is no ones right. As i say to him! Its all about control i think. He never asked for overnights at court or extra days. So the days are worked round his work schedule. Just because he books a day off doesnt mean he has ds for the day. I have told him im putting him in a pre school for a few morning in jan i said you will have to go and introduce yourself his reply was no i will have to come see with you. I said no you wont you go yourself. I dont want anything to do with him 😟😟

OP posts:
Starlight456 · 23/09/2019 01:45

You are giving him avenues.

Don’t give him any advance warning of anything.

Will it affect his contact?

Don’t raise the issues again. Obviously in a standard co parenting world you would but he is co parenting. It isn’t any your dd . It is about getting to you.

Original poster
laney15 · 23/09/2019 04:00

Yes it will effect his contact as he will be picking him up on his contact days. He works 4 on 4 off so its a diff day every week.
So he has to be told things like this. So i give him the information and leave him with it. If he chooses not to go and introducs himself then the pre school wont allow him to take him.
His choice. Anything that directly concerns ds i tell him about. I dont make conversation with him, i walk off. Ive ignored all messages as they are not an emergency and infact stupid questions.

OP posts:
Original poster
laney15 · 25/09/2019 15:08

So ive ignored his messages since he has ds yesterday i got 5 and upto now today ive had 1! Its nothing important either. So i will write in our contact book the info hes asked in the emails. If he carries on i will contact my solicitor to do something, thanks for everyones advice i feel better thinking its not me being nasty or going mental 😊

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