ex partner won't help with children so I can work

[kmlflf7550]

the relationship ended last year and I had to start claiming benefits as he was refusing to help financially saying he has his own flat to run now, id been out of work a while because he would say he was to tired to have the children whilst I went to work after he had been to work himself so i was just the stay at home mom, i have 3 girls aged 7 5 and 3. i thought this would be ok for a while and i could just get back into work when the time was right, but then we broke up and i had no income as he was the one who worked whilst i stayed hone with the children. i had to go through the cms, cuz he was refusing to help finacially whilst i got back on my feet and waited for my new claims to be sorted. but now I'm stuck and I don't know what to do, I really need to go to work, I hate claiming benefits and I don't want my children thinking that this is the way, I want to give my girls so much more. he is the only person I have to ask for help with the children, I don't have any family so I'm pretty much on my own, but now he's saying he won't have the children so i can work cuz I chose the money for the children (maintance) over the help with the children. my 2 eldest children are in full time school now but my youngest only does 3 hours a day at nursery, I can't work evenings/nights or weekends cuz hes refusing to have them, I was considering waiting untill my youngest is full time at school and then trying to find a job in school hours but then id be stuck every time they had a school holiday, and I really don't want to have to wait another year before I'm back in work. i really need some advice on how other single parents manage to work with no support with their children, I don't know what way to turn anymore and it just causes more rows when I try and speak to the ex about having the children so i can return to work. I give up asking now i just want to be independent and not need to ask him for anything anymore but I just don't know how do get out of this hole that I'm in

Benefits are there to help you, don’t feel ashamed of claiming. Do you claim everything? Can you claim any child care part when needed?

Are you qualified for a decent job? Or work part one to gain some experince or even volunteer

as far as in aware I'm claiming everything in entitled to, my qualifications aren't the best, my past jobs have been working in cafes and for taxi firms but since the break up iv been saving up bit by bit and buying courses with learn direct to better my qualifications to hopefully give myself a better chance at getting a job. I can't do voluntary work unless it's for a charity, I looked into this with the job centre as i wanted to do care work and wanted to volunteer to gain some experience whilst I do some studying from home around my children, but the job centre said if it's not charity based they would class it as me working even if I didn't actually get a wage. I'm really confused with the whole child care part, would they pay a % of that for all my children including my eldest who's 7? as im worried about the school holidays and how id manage then. thank you for taking the time to comment.

I think its 70 percent depending on your wage. You would still get UC just the working elements.
Calculate how many hours you would like to do, so maybe 25 to start. Figure out the weekly wage of that on min wage.

Then put it in the turn2us benefit calculator.
Estimate the childcare cost so maybe 7 pounds an hour and after school clubs for the elder dc.

Fill out the calculator as if you are working and receiving no benefits and it will tell you what you could get help with.

Benefits are there to help you out, there is a huge difference between needing them for a few years to support you and living off them forever (which I doubt anyone with any real choice does anyway). Your DDs do not need to know where your income is coming from. And whilst you are not at work you may not be able to give them all the gifts and gizmos their friends might have, you can give them your time which is something as a working single parent I have very little of.

Childcare is paid at 70% up to the age of around 12. DD used to get picked upfront school by a private nursery which offered after school care. They also had a breakfast club and took and picked children up that were at a school nursery for part of the day.

You cannot rely on your ex for anything now so I would try and forget him altogether in terms of helping with your work situation.

You are able to do an OU degree whilst on benefits as you do not receive any of the money yourself and there are various financial aid packages available from them too to help with broadband costs etc as the courses are mostly online now, if you think that is an appropriate way to upgrade your qualifications.

Over the last 10 years I have gone from completely relying on benefits to almost being off them I was looking after DD, age/years 1 - 3 solely relying on benefits, 3-6 a 16 hour job, age 6-9 a 25 hour job as she was at school (got picked up by the after school provider and now she’s 10 I’m working 35 hours and completely off working tax, although I still get Child tax and child benefit as my job is termtime only (if I received UC I would not be eligible for anything). Whilst I hated being on benefits for the stigma it brings with it, they helped me when I needed them. Benefits are their to help never feel guilty of needing them particularly if you are doing everything to provide for your family.

You pay for childcare.

This puts you in a stronger position knowing your childcare won't let you down.

UC will pay up to 80% of your childcare costs. So you won't be out of pocket because you are working.

Don't be dependent on your ex. He will love the power and control.

Can you look at going back to college while the little one is so young to put yourself in a better position to get a job once she starts school? You would get help from student finance, including for childcare.

Do think about the type of job you can work . I was a nurse prior to separating. Due to shifts I gave up and became a cminder.

Do not rely on ex for childcare he is going to let you down.

I noticed you wasn’t to get into care work. You will be hard pressed to find a vacancy that’s not a 12 hour shift, and you will be expected to work weekends and in some places nights. Also Christmas Day etc.
If you are struggling now with child care, this is by far not a child friendly occupation,