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Original poster

What would you do

15 replies

Stressedmotherof3 · 17/09/2019 00:23

I have just received the following message from my ex

I will be having Charlie on Saturday, if I can’t get anyone else to pick him up, I will.
I do not want to speak to you, I don’t want any stuff from you and you won’t be coming to the car to speak to M and H, they have also been told they will not be getting out of the car or speaking to you.

Last contact he didn’t show up at all. I have had threatening messages from his new girlfriend.

H and m are my step children who both still want to see me and I know this situation will be upsetting for them. I’m quite happy not to talk to him but hardly a great example to the children

Thanks for any advice

OP posts:
hopefulandstrong · 17/09/2019 00:38

Reply OK.

If you've received threatening messages then you really shouldn't want to communicate with any of them. Regarding his mum, be very careful not to think they will take your side as it will cost them more if they get involved.

It's not an issue for the dc, just send them out with a kiss and get on with your day. What is worse for dc is to see everyone getting on then fighting or tension.
Just act Indifferent. It's the best advice I every got and it pisses people off more.

Crazybirdlady · 17/09/2019 00:40

My ex says things like that. Telling me how it will be. I think they do it to feel like they have some control over you. Or to get a reaction.
I would message back and say I will be civil as usual as that's what is best for the children. No need to create an awkward atmosphere for them. See you Saturday. Kind regards, Stressedmotherof3
Don't let him see that it's getting to you

caringcarer · 17/09/2019 00:50

I would block him from texting me. I would ask a friend to do hand over for me. I would insist contact was the agreed with my solicitor and would be same each week, avoiding need for hi m to text you. It sounds as he has moved on with his life but still trying to dictate to you. When I broke up with my ex husband he was constantly texting me and trying to rearrange contact that been agreed to just to jeopardise my plans, I made him contact my solicitor and not me and after a few times he stopped and kept to agreed dates and times.

30to50FeralHogs · 17/09/2019 01:29

The best way to deal with these tossers is not to give them the reaction they are desperately craving. Just reply ok, then send your DC out with whatever they need to take and wave them off at the door. Trying to fight it makes it fun for him. I can guarantee that if you don’t make a big fuss about it, he’ll change his tune and suddenly insist you see the SDCs at some point as if that will cause drama.

If he has a habit of not turning up then just keep it casual, maybe only mention it to DC in the morning just before he’s due, then if he doesn’t turn up, it’s not a huge amount of wasted energy looking forward to it. How old is your DC and do they understand that sometimes dad lets them down?

Monday55 · 17/09/2019 01:30

I would go for the one word answer too and just say 'Ok' he's obviously looking for a reaction.

Aw12345 · 17/09/2019 02:17

Sounds like a very pleasant person Hmm

Agree with to reply "ok", don't waste your time on this selfish man who doesn't even prioritise his own children.

Ignore the awful new woman too, she'll be treated badly by him in due course. Sad but true. Then she'll be very embarrassed that she even contacted you!!

snowqu33n · 17/09/2019 02:35

I would not reply. He isn’t asking any question so a response is not required. If he is allowed contact then prep your kid to be ready if he turns up. If this isn’t what’s agreed, then get legal advice.
Threatening messages should be reported to the police, you never know what people are capable of.

Leftielefterson · 17/09/2019 03:37

Bloody hell OP your ex sounds horrendous. Agree with other posters an ‘ok’ will suffice.

As for the threatening messages report her to the police. It’s not acceptable.

LoreleiRock · 17/09/2019 04:32

Don’t reply. Get a friend to deliver them to his car. Speak to a solicitor. He is damaging all his children, what a cunt.

MonChatEstMagnifique · 17/09/2019 05:25

He sounds childish and a bit of a cunt. But, you can't solve that. I'd text back 'OK' as others have said. If he makes a habit of not turning up and letting your child down, I'd get legal advice. I'd ignore the messages from the latest girlfriend but if you feel genuinely threatened, then report her. It sounds like they both like a bit of drama and don't care that it's the children who end up suffering.

CJsGoldfish · 17/09/2019 05:29

Is this a trick question?

If not, I would reply with "OK" or "No probs" and send my child off with a kiss at the door and a wave at the kids in the car.

Salene · 17/09/2019 05:39

He is looking for a reaction and a drama, don't give him what he wants. Just reply ok that's fine and send kids out to the car.

sandybeaches74 · 17/09/2019 08:02

This is exactly the kind of thing my STBXH does too, weirdly comforting to know it's not just me! It's horrible and I think it's so they can be in control.

I'd do exactly what the others have said and say ok. I always make sure I look nice, am pleasant and appear to be going somewhere too which never fails to irritate him/amuse me...!

Original poster
Stressedmotherof3 · 17/09/2019 10:25

Thank you all for your advice. I have already reported the abuse from his current girl friend to the police who have told her to back off.

This morning I blocked him on every thing and my parents have text him to say they are now the point of contact and will be handing my son over on Saturday.

I am taking control back and have made it so his games stop now xx

OP posts:
kitk · 17/09/2019 19:33

OP your parents are awesome. I'm glad you have this level of support

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