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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

child maintenance

21 replies

jan9876 · 15/09/2019 08:32

i have one dc. her dad gives some money regularly but i don't think it is enough, and every time i ask him to contribute towards something for example sports clubs or school uniform, he gets annoyed and says the maintenance is enough. I don't want to cause hassle, but i was wondering if the child maintenance service can do a check for me without him knowing? To check his wages and how much he should be giving? if it is a lot more, then i would think about going through them, if not then i would just leave it. he won't tell me how much he earns. thanks!

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ScabbyBabby · 15/09/2019 08:34

Yes they will do a check but also he will get a letter from them so I don’t think you can hide it.

They get information from hmrc if your ex won’t cooperate. What is he currently giving you?

Everytimeref · 15/09/2019 08:35

There is an online calculator but you would need to know how much he earns and how much he contributes to his pension to get an accurate calculation.
Don't think you can as Child maintenance service to look without him knowing as they would have to request the information from him.

Original poster

jan9876 · 15/09/2019 08:43

ok so i would have to tell him basically if i want to go down this route. he is very oppositional and I'm not sure if it would be worth it. he gives me £130 and is in a professional job.

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Original poster

jan9876 · 15/09/2019 08:43

thanks for these quick replies!!

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Divgirl2 · 15/09/2019 08:48

Does he have any other kids with other women? I get £130/month but that's only because my ex has another child by another woman so the amount is split between us. He earns about £21k

Original poster

jan9876 · 15/09/2019 08:49

no other kids!

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roseenglishrose · 15/09/2019 08:50

£130 per week or month?
What kind of professional job?
How many nights per year does he have your DC overnight?

Original poster

jan9876 · 15/09/2019 08:52

social worker
2 nights a week, about 4 extra nights in the summer and 3 extra at christmas

OP posts:

roseenglishrose · 15/09/2019 08:53

Does he give you £130 monthly or weekly?

Divgirl2 · 15/09/2019 08:55

Okay so based on what you've said even if he was on the absolute lowest rung of social work and was newly qualified you're still being underpaid - so I would go through CMS.

roseenglishrose · 15/09/2019 08:56

I've estimated his salary at £30k (I know this may be wildly out) and the calculator has said that based on 2-3 nights per week, he should be giving you £213 per month.

Original poster

jan9876 · 15/09/2019 08:58

thanks so much this is really helpful. Its per month.

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eve34 · 15/09/2019 13:05

Just go through the cms. I know how hard that is because he will kick up. A fuss. But so what. Once they are involved you never have to discuss money again.

Just say that you don't want to keep badgering him for extras so if it is done through the cms they will deal with it. He can then agree to pay you the amount directly or for an extra 20% they will take it directly from source. You have to pay 4% from the amount if this happens.

Good luck.

Original poster

jan9876 · 15/09/2019 13:10

Thank you Eve34 I have had a rough time with him criticising my every move the past few weeks, and generally being oppositional . I'm dreading the fuss it's going to cause but it will be worth it to be able to spend the money on what she needs.... he buys her clothes and shoes she doesn't need all the time. i think i'll wait till I'm feeling strong and then text him to say I'm doing it lol.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 16/09/2019 00:07

You don’t need to tell him you’re going through the CMS, especially not if he’ll kick off about it. Only reason to let him know is if you want to give him a chance to pay more first but I’d just do it.

Original poster

jan9876 · 16/09/2019 14:02

i think he will receive a letter to say they are involved so he will kick off anyway .

OP posts:

eve34 · 16/09/2019 16:04

They will write to him and his employer to confirm his salary. Then give him the option of paying you directly.

So it is not something that can be done stealthy.

Good luck. I do know how difficult it is because they just want to have that bit of control over you. And make you ask for money.

Lonecatwithkitten · 16/09/2019 20:09

He is a social worker and he is not paying government mandated minimum percentage maintenance. I would let him rock on kicking off.

ScabbyBabby · 21/09/2019 09:06

Have you applied yet jan?

Original poster

jan9876 · 24/10/2019 19:26

hi sorry i just saw your message scabby! i did apply and he had a huge tantrum about it. i was called everything under the sun and he offered to go to mediation instead!! i said theres nothing to mediate. i agreed to do direct pay where they work it out and he agrees to pay me, but he knows if he doesn't pay up ill go straight to collect and pay. he has been ordered to pay nearly 3 times what he was already paying me!! he had clearly been keeping all his money for himself and his holidays while pleading poverty with me. I'm so glad i did it now, i will have the money for whats a priority for my daughter, not designer boots for an 8 year old.

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unicornsarereal72 · 24/10/2019 21:23

That's a fab update. I'm so pleased he is paying what he should. I don't understand these parents that want to wriggle out of providing for their children. I would give my kids my vital organs if they needed them.

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