Divorce advice

[Lambo24]

Hi
My husband left me and our 2 daughters about 5 months ago. My girls are only 3.5 and 5. He is visiting once a week and having them overnight once every 3 weeks. He has been paying the rent still except for a couple of exceptions. He is currently living with his horrible mother about an hour away but keeps saying he want to move closer to do more with the children. He is a good dad but does have some mental health and alcohol issues.

I am keen to get divorced (he cheated on me and there is no chance of reconciliation) but just have no clue where to start. Is this something I should do quickly or do you wait?

I keep having nightmares about him taking the kids away from me and I am worried he may want 50/50 custody. I am ok with the current visiting arrangement but the girls are much more unsettled every time they see him.

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. Its all so new to me and I have no idea where to start. Thank you!

Google wikivorce and start having a read through, it's an excellent resource.

And if you and your STBX can amicably agree on the children and money, they offer a cheap 'non-contested' divorce service which saves you both hiring expensive lawyers to argue on your behalf.

Good luck x

What's wrong with 50/50 custody?

She has already said he is an alcoholic???

Thanks so much all. Will check out that resource now.

My issue with 50/50 is well, I am not sure how it works but I presume that meant they spend 50% of time with each parent? That would be so unsettling for the girls and not practical given he is an hour away plus I could not bear to be away from them for that length of time. Is that right though and what 50/50 means? I am so new to all this!

You could not bear to be away from them for that length of time? But your ex could? What if your ex says he could not bear to be away from them either? Would you care?

Yes, 50/50 means 50% of the time the kids are with you. But you can choose the length of time.

Yes actually my ex is much happier not being with the kids than I am. 50/50 time split would totally be the wrong thing for the children first and foremost considering how unsettled they have been and they find it hard being separated from me.

My ex made the decision to leave us, cheat on me and leave me in a financial mess due to his alcohol and drug taking issues after 16 years supporting him so his feelings are not my priority here?!

Sorry to hear what you’ve been through. If it ever went to court (which hopefully it wouldn’t) then the children are always the first priority - what is best for them? If your husband has not done 50/50 childcare so far and has alcohol issues it’s highly unlikely a court would award him this. But it doesn’t sound like he’d want it either so don’t panic.

In terms of divorce this is easy to do yourself online but if there are finances to be divided (capital, pensions) or any spousal support to be agreed then this needs to be a court order drafted by a solicitor and rubber stamped by a judge.