Children return from their weekly visit hating me

[Helenj1977]

My 2 children, 8 and 11, see their dad once a week. They love him and he loves them. They come home and hate me. Most weeks this happens and its my youngest who is the worst.

I flipped today and suggested they live with him if I'm so awful. They have everything they need, a lovely house with own rooms, they see friends, we go out etc.

I'm sick of it. I work my ass off making sure they have everything for school etc. It makes me so sad that they treat me like this. What can I do?

Nothing unfortunately I get the same shit my son actually heard his dad tell me he wanted to cut down on his time with them I said no (he really doesn't have them a lot) so he convinced my son to ask to come home early and to cut down the time he spends with him now my son has a go at me because I blame his dad for him not having lots of time with him he blames himself.....pisses me right off how he smells of Rose's all the time but I'm the one he screams at when he gets let down all the time I told him the other day to stop taking it out on me because I'm not the one dumping him that would be his dad (right in front of the kid too) so pack it in remarkably he quit the attitude for once

I hate it

You've mentioned how they have nice things, and how you work hard for what they have, but no mention of your actual relationship/ bond with them. Is everything okay on that front? Perhaps instead of telling them to go live with their father out of anger, focus on their relationship they have with you

We have a great bond /relationship. It's not like they're wanting to escape!! It just gets to me how he has them for such a short amount of time, and it's never more, and he's the best! It hurts when I try so hard to make them happy and be here for them.

It can't be easy if you're the one making most of the sacrifices yet he gets the perks. It could just be that because they don't see him as much, they get more excited about seeing him, and perhaps in being sad/ angry about saying goodbye, they take that out on you. It's hard to see now, but it's really better that's he's actually in their lives rather than not, or being there and treating them like crap.

Does he have them every weekend? My dd is 8 months and her dad her her every other because of Work but everyday Wednesday for a fully day. I think to avoid Disney Dad syndrome contact for us will always be every other weekend and midweek visit. So I can do fun thing with her too. We do swimming every Monday music group every Friday, I plan on keeping all that up if I can. And as she grows instead of big birthdays I want to do theme parks/days out once a month. Where I can afford it of course and lots of parks.... just ideas.

Don’t let him do all the fun bits while you do all the crap bits xx

Sorry every other weekend and I meant full day every Wednesday bloody phone lol